Chapter 37

“We’ll talk more, later, after the game. I promise,” he continued, his cheek resting against the top of her head, his arms still wrapped, vice-like around her.

“It’ll have to be your place,” Mya sighed as he finally unwound himself from around her and stepped back. “Paying my heat and electric bills weren’t exactly on my priority list,” she added with a shrug and a meek smile that he returned with a grin as he reached out to brush a strand of hair from her cheek where it had no doubt become stuck in the tracks of her tears.

“I’ll take care of it,” he offered, ever the magnanimous good Canadian kid with the heart of gold. “It’s the least I can do,” he quickly added before she had a chance to complain. “Considering...,” he added, his voice turning soft as his hand cupped her cheek. “You have keys. Go to my place, let yourself in. Get warm. I’ll be there as soon as I can. Mya nodded though she felt her cheeks heat as his adoring and indulgent gaze began to work its magic and turn her knees to honey. “I’m just glad you came home,” he added, leaning in to press his lips once more to the spot on her brow between her eyes.

Mya allowed herself to lean into him once again, finding the familiar heat of his body and the scent of well worn hockey gear, mingled with sweat and mildew oddly comforting. Her solace only lasted another minute or so before they could both hear the shuffle of bodies in the hallway, the familiar banter of ‘let’s go boys’ and ‘let’s do this’ indicating that the line up before the team took the ice for the anthems had already begun.

“You have to go,” she whispered, turning her face up to his to find his eyes closed and a dreamy smile on his face that seemed to say he too had been luxuriating in the nearness of her.

“I know,” he sighed, once, heaving his shoulders before he opened his eyes and looked down at her. “I love you My. You do know that don’t you?” he asked, suddenly deadly serious. She nodded, blinking back tears. This time they were tears of relief; maybe even tears of joy. He nodded once, as if to assure himself of this, and then he turned and bent to pick up his discarded gloves and stick, turning back only once as he walked through the doorway.

Mya merely stood where she was and watched him go before wiping away her tears, squaring her shoulders and heading out into the hallway herself, turning to go the other way, towards the exit telling herself that the last thing she wanted to do was distract him further.

“Mya.”

She turned at the sound of her name, knowing full well it wasn’t Sidney calling after her. Though he was always one of the last of the Pens players to hit the ice, the line had already begun to shuffle down the short walk way underneath the stands and she knew that once he had joined his teammates Sidney would never look back.

“Kristopher,” she smiled, finding herself face to face with the long haired defenseman who was standing in the hall, his jersey half tucked in, his hair dishevelled, his helmet in one hand, his gloves and stick in the other.

“So...you’re back?” he asked quietly with a quick, furtive look around to see who might be overhearing their conversation.

“I think so,” she shrugged, glancing towards the dark corridor and then back at his young, troubled face. “Thank you, by the way, for the flowers...and the card. At least I knew someone cared,” she added, giving him a smile that she hoped was as sincere as her words were. The delivery had been an unexpected surprise but a welcome one. “And I’m sorry about the wedding. Do I owe you anything for renting a tux or...?” His quizzical expression made the words dry up in her mouth and Mya found herself staring at a man who wasn’t just passing the time of day.

“I was worried for you, we all were,” Kris assured her seriously, his dark gaze searching hers before he too turned to gaze towards the dark hall down which the rest of his teammates had already disappeared. Mya sincerely hoped he wasn’t supposed to be in the starting line up out on the ice. “He’s been miserable,” he added, turning back to her with a sly grin that was more like the witty young Francophone she’d known, “and I don’t just mean his stats.” Mya could only nod, her voice caught beneath a ball of emotion in her throat. She wondered if it would always be like this between them, strained and yet...sweet. “He loves you, he really does,” Kris added softly, dropping his gaze shyly from hers’ for one long moment before he turned those dark chocolate eyes up to hold hers’ captive. “If he didn’t...I would have killed him for what he did.”

Kris didn’t wait for her to respond, he only leaned forward and pressed his lips briefly but insistently against hers’ before turning and heading down the hall, pressing his helmet down over his head and disappearing from her view.

____________________________________________________

He stood at the end of the bed, watching over her sleeping form, thinking to himself that all was right with the world. His scoring draught was over and his woman was in his bed. He’d been longer than he’d have liked after the game but after a five game losing streak and an even longer streak of mumbling three word answers to the press, he’d felt he’d owed them something so he’d stayed until the bitter end.

He didn’t mind one bit that Mya had decided to slip into one of his t-shirts and curl up and go to sleep. A fuzzy, happy sort of warmth spread through his gut and chest at the idea of her feeling at home enough to do so.

That or she was just that knackered and had passed out from sheer exhaustion. Sidney knew how hard it had been for him to be without her but then she’d had so much more than him to worry about, he thought as he sat down on the edge of the bed to tug off his socks. The baby hadn’t really felt real to him, not yet. He hadn’t felt it move, hadn’t felt it kick. It was an idea, an exciting, exhilarating idea, but no more than a concept. Not to him anyway. To her...Sidney turned look down at his sleeping girlfriend and the sheets tugged away from her torso.

She was lying on her side, facing away from him. She was wearing one of his grey t-shirts, the one from the last years run to the cup and a pair of his boxer shorts, both too big for her so that the t-shirt rode up and the boxers had slipped down, leaving the small of her back bare. His breath caught in his throat, the memory of the fine, lace-like spider web pattern that had been in the same place on Randi’s back stealing his breath. But this was not like that. This was small and dainty and it stole his breath in an entirely different way.

It was a tiny pair of angel’s wings on either side of a golden halo. Inside the halo was a date. Sidney’s hand wavered in the air above the small of her back, not wanting to wake her and at the same time, wanting very much to run his fingertips over that date the way he always ran his fingertips over Randi’s name on the marker on her grave.

That was all they’d ever have, he thought as he gently traced the halo with the tip of his finger. There would be other chances, he knew, and children, he felt sure of that. But this had been their first.

Tears sprang to his eyes for the first time since it happened. He hadn’t ever really cried about it. It hadn’t seemed real enough, not present enough to grieve over. But this...this drawing, etched in the back of the woman he loved brought it home and crashing down all around him.

Mya sighed in her sleep and brought her knees up but didn’t wake. Sidney wiped at his tears and shook his head at himself. He’d almost lost her. Everything happened for a reason, that’s what Natalie had kept saying to him and he believed it. He’d loved and lost Randi so that he would know love when he felt it again. He’d lost her so that he would know he didn’t want to lose anyone that close to him every again and he’d almost done it anyway. He’d been an incredible ass. He’d been thinking so much about himself, been trying so hard to protect his own feelings he hadn’t been able to see hers at all.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, bending to press his lips to the tiny halo decorating the small of her back. She made a small humming noise but didn’t wake, so Sidney pressed his lips to each wing in turn and then began to kiss his way up her spine, pushing the thick cotton of his own t-shirt up by inches as he did so.

He knew when she woke, when her warm, languid body went rigid, just for a moment and then she scooted back towards him and Sidney couldn’t help but smile as he slid his hands around to cup her heavy breasts as he laid another kiss between her shoulder blades.

She could have tortured him, he knew as she pressed her round ass against him. She could have made him grovel, made him beg and he’d have done it. She could have kept her distance and he would have respected that. He would have allowed her the space and waited until she was ready, but that wasn’t Mya. When she gave, she gave everything and held nothing back. When she loved, she didn’t hide away pieces of herself. She didn’t pretend and hide behind a facade. It had been that way from the very first. It had been part of the immediate attraction he realized now as rolled her nipples between his thumb and forefinger and listened to her whimper. She’d never pretended to be anyone or anything other than who she was and she never failed to give him less than one hundred per cent of herself.

“God I missed you,” he whispered into her ear, his lips brushing through her floral scented hair as he slid his hand down over her hip, over her warm, smooth skin and down into his boxer shorts. She gasped as his fingers slid between into the soft velvet of her wet cleft. Her back arched, her head thrown back to rest on his shoulder as his fingers found the hard little pearl within her folds that made her entire body shiver when he touched it. “Do you want me?” he asked, half afraid her answer would be no. He told himself not to be disappointed if she did refuse him, though his mind had already raced ahead and he could nearly feel the hot wet heat that would engulf him and his body ached with the need to become one with her.

“Yessss,” she hissed, her arm snaking back over his to brush the front of his suit pants, making his cock twitch uncomfortably in the confines of the briefs he was wearing. “Take me, hard, now,” she insisted in a hoarse whisper, her hand sliding over his hip so that her fingers could dig into the meat of his ass, pressing him closer. “Just...you have protection right?” she asked in a smaller voice, reason taking hold as he slid away from her to drag his pants down over his hips. She turned then to look up at him where he kneeled above her, pain making her eyes bright in the dark. “I just...I don’t want to go through that again. At least...,” she glanced away from him, hiding her face from his. “At least not until we’re sure about...about things.”

__________________________________________________

Mya could feel him staring at her and the silence grew between them until it was so heavy and so present it felt like a great iron wall had grown in the few inches between them on the mattress. She was holding her breath, waiting for his reply. Her heart was racing and not from his touch, although that had done its work as well.

Would he be angry to be reminded of his cowardice? Would he be hurt? Would he turn from her now and the pain start all over again?

It was only as his strong, solid and warm body curled around hers and his arms pulled her close that Mya allowed herself to breathe again. The width of his chest pressed tightly to her back and his thickly muscled leg even wrapped around hers as he molded his body to hers.

“I’m sorry,” he said again, his breath warm against her cheek as his cheek rested against hers. “I understand if you don’t trust me. I’ll earn it again My. I’ll make you see how much you mean to me,” he promised, pressing his lips against her neck. “I’ll make it up to you. You’ll see. I promise, you’ll see.”

She felt tears welling in her eyes and squeezed her eyes shut, willing them back. Now was not the time to cry, to allow herself to fall apart. Now he needed the reassurance of her body as much as she needed the safety of his arms.

Not trusting herself to speak, Mya only reached for the drawer on the bedside table and dug around in it until her fingers found the smooth cello packs with their hard little rings and pulled one out, reaching back blindly to hand it to him. She listened to him fight with it, a little smile tugging at the corners of her lips as he swore under his breath once, twice before he managed to tear the packet open.

Then he pressed her down into the mattress and the pillows, face down, his hands digging almost painfully into her hips as he pushed his way inside of her. Mya’s fingers dug into the sheets, scratched at the headboard as he pulled her hips back, his pelvis pressing into her ass he pounded his body into hers’, filling her, reaching deep inside of her, pushing the air out of her lungs so that all that she could do was open her mouth and howl soundlessly.

Chapter 31

“Jordy’s right, you could put your eye out with that thing,” Tish exclaimed as she examined the ring on Mya’s hand. Quickly withdrawing her hand and putting it back on her lap, under the table and out of sight, Mya rolled her eyes.

“I should get him to trade it on something smaller, less...conspicuous,” she mumbled, reaching for her Venti vanilla chai and sucking noisily at the straw.

“Don’t you dare,” Tish laughed, sitting back and reaching to give the double stroller a little push. The twins slept better if she rocked it every once in a while. “You wear that thing like a god damned homing beacon, and even if your hands get swollen in your next trimester, you wear that fucking thing around your neck and be proud of it. Are you kidding me? That’s god damned gorgeous. Paris Hilton would be fucking jealous as hell.” Mya glanced across the small table at her friend and couldn’t help but smile.

“Your kids are going to get their mouths washed out with soap on their first day in kindergarten,” she admonished Tish who only shook her head, quite decidedly and quite firmly.

“If anyone so much as touches my kids without my say so, I would kick their ass,” she answered without so much of a twitch of a smile, lifting her brand new, precariously high heeled, Cesare Paciotti black leather boots. “I will insert these directly up anyone’s ass that so much as even breaths hard on either of them...although that would be a kind of waste. Fuck these are great boots.”

“They should be for a thousand bucks,” Mya muttered, knowing that it was unlikely Jordan would care about the cost, or even notice the thousand dollars as more than a blip out of his bank account. It was more likely he’d just be very, very appreciative of the way they looked on his tall, long legged wife. Still, Mya knew it was going to take her some time to get used to being able to spend money like that. Tish had done her best to talk Mya into purchasing a pair of ferocious wedges for half the amount of money that she’d spent, but Mya couldn’t bring herself to do it. Not even with the platinum American express card that Sidney had insisted on giving her. It was for necessary expenses she told herself, for things they needed for the apartment, not for frivolities.

“Honey, he has more money than you two will be able to spend in a lifetime,” Tish sighed, reaching across the table to place her be-jewelled hand over Mya’s, “and if I know anything about our Sidney boy, he’d want you to have a little fucking fun with it.” Mya smiled at her friend but kept silent. That wasn’t the way Sidney spent money. Oh sure, he’d take her out to eat at nice restaurants, even close them down if he had to, but he didn’t just go crazy on the most expensive clothes either. Not that he had to, he got so much free shit from Reebok, he hardly ever had to actually buy clothes, aside from jeans, and those he had specially tailored for his...hot ass. Mya grinned at the thought of the special package of new jeans that had arrived at the apartment that morning. It had never occurred to her such a perfect body couldn’t just wear things off the rack. “You two deserve each other, you know that?” Tish sighed, removing her hand and going back to pushing the twins back and forth. “You’re both so...small town.”

“Is that a bad thing?” Mya asked, partly amused at the idea of Vancouver being called a small town, although in comparison to most of the cities in the US, it probably seemed like that to an outsider.

“No, it’s just...don’t even listen to me. You’re perfect for him. You’re so not even interested in the money. It’s cute. It must make daddy Troy very happy,” Tish added with a wink as she let go of the buggy long enough to drag one of her bags closer so she could peer in at her other purchase. Another pair of buckled boots that made Mya wonder just what she and Jordan got up to when the twins were sleeping.

“I don’t think Troy likes me much,” Mya sighed, thinking about the thunderous look on Troy’s face when Sidney said he wanted to celebrate his gold medal with her and not with the entire family.

“Don’t worry, I don’t think Troy likes anyone much, aside from Mario. He looooves Mario,” Tish drawled sarcastically, throwing her head back and laughing while Mya shuddered at the idea of Troy kissing up to Sid’s boss. “Speaking of the big sweaty bear,” Tish added, raising a single, perfectly arched eyebrow, “do they know yet?”

“Know?” Mya narrowed her eyes, and then, as Tish gave her own, now completely flat stomach a pat, opened her eyes wide. “Oh that...no...no, and I don’t even know if they know he’s asked me yet and I’m not sure I want to be part of that conversation.”

“Wise choice,” Tish laughed, and then gave a shudder. “I can just imagine how well daddykins is going to take the news that he’s about to become a Grandpa.”
_____________________________________________________________________

“Here?” Sidney looked out the window at the grey sky and made a face. “Do you really think that would work?”

“Not outside. I mean, well, we can check what the weather will be like on the weekend but...we could even do it in the living room with a little work. But think about it Sidney, where else are you going to have the kind of privacy to keep this quiet?” Nathalie reached over and Mario’s hand automatically covered hers’. Sidney smiled at his mentor and sometime foster father. He’d taken the news so much better than he’d anticipated, and Nathalie, well she seemed ecstatic.

“I can’t...I mean thank you. I was ready to fly to Vegas but...I mean if you think it would work,” he looked down the hall towards the large formal living room with the French provincial furniture, the cream coloured walls and plush rug. It was the room that hardly ever got used. The far less formal entertainment room downstairs was the one that he and the Lemieux’s had always used. That was where Christmas mornings took place, movie nights, or just watching a Steeler’s game on the tube. The formal room at the front of the house even had one of those sweeping stair cases leading to it from upstairs. It looked like something out of Homes and Gardens.

“Well if someone can pull something like that together at short notice, I think it’s Nat,” Mario said proudly, reaching over to pat his wife’s hand while sharing a look with her that Sidney wondered if he would share with Mya when they’d been together as long as the Lemieux’s had. “She’s got a book full of caterers and floral companies. I bet she can put something together that will be good enough for Hello Magazine back home,” Mario added with one of his warm smiles and a wink towards Sidney, who shuddered at the idea. He’d already been voted one of Canada’s most ‘beautiful’ people in that magazine, but he knew that his mentor was probably right. Even though he wanted to keep it private, no matter how hard he tried, the news was likely to get out, somehow, someway. Even Pat had suggested that they try and control that likelihood by giving exclusive rights to someone.

“I don’t want anything too...crazy,” he said, thinking of the weddings he’d seen in magazine. The completely over the top and out of control pomp and circumstance of Celine Dion’s wedding along with its official book that had come out a week after, or even the full formal church wedding Colby had had. Although that had probably been the most fun he’d ever had at formal event.

“Well it’s not really about what you want is it?” Nathalie grinned and Sidney could see the wheels already turning in her head. “You’d better get Mya over here. We have lots to discuss.”

_____________________________________________________________

“What do you mean called up? You’re like what, over forty? You can’t go to Afghanistan. Phone them up. Tell them they’ve made some kind of fucking mistake,” Mya picked up her phone and shoved it towards Steve who backed away, hands up in a defensive gesture, shaking his head.

“Pumpkin, even reservists are going. I’m going to be working in the bases, fixing trucks. I’m not going to be in the line of fire, promise. I’ll be fine,” he smiled at her like he was trying to placate a crazy person, and that only made Mya even more angry.

“Then tell them you can’t go now. I mean, shit, don’t they even give you some fucking warning? Ship out on Friday? I mean, who does that?” Mya slammed the phone down and turned away so her Uncle wouldn’t see the tears in her eyes. Better he leave thinking her angry at him then upset like this, she thought as she brushed at her eyes with the back of her hand.

“The Army sweetstuff,” he said quietly, putting his hands on her shoulders and pressing his cheek to the top of her head. “The President says go and the Uncle Sam snaps his fingers and all I’ve got to do is put some stuff in a duffle bag and go. Besides, you don’t need me now. You’ve got that hockey player of yours to look after you.”

“Yeah but...but...if you’re not here...,” Mya fought against the tears but she knew it was a losing battle. It was most of the time now that her hormones were firmly in control. “If you’re not here, who’s going to give me away?”

“Give you...My...did I miss something?” he asked, turning her around and peering down into her face. Mya refused to look up but sniffed and cleared her throat and did her best to keep her voice calm.

“I’m up the spout,” she explained, sniffing and wiping at her nose with her sleeve, “so we’re getting married.”

“Well at least he’s doing the right thing and I don’t have to fucking kick his ass before I leave,” Steve chuckled, lifting her chin and placing a paternal sort of kiss on her forehead. “So what’s with all the tears? I know you’re nuts about the guy, so is this just hormones or what?”

“We’re getting married this weekend,” Mya sighed, “I’m going dress shopping today with Tish and Vero and I hate shopping. I can’t stop throwing up and...and you can’t go. You have to give me away.”

“Oh pumpkin,” Steve wrapped her up in his arms and held her close, rubbing her back in soothing circles. “I’m so honoured you’d even think of me for that.”

“You know I can’t ask my dad. I mean, not can’t. I won’t,” Mya sniffed, letting herself relax into her uncle’s arms. “I don’t even want him here.”

“My,” Steve stepped back so that he was holding her at arms’ length as he looked at her with that ‘are you serious’ look, his eyebrows raised as he searched her face. “You don’t mean that. He’s your dad. That’s who gives you away. Your dad. Of course you want him here.”

“I don’t,” Mya said firmly, wiping away her tears and returning Steve’s concerned gaze. “I really don’t. I don’t even think I’m going to tell him about the wedding, or the baby.”

_______________________________________________________________

There was a long silence on the other end of the line and it made Sidney wince. He could hear it coming. In fact, as he closed his eyes and pressed his fingertips against the throbbing that had begun in his temple as soon as he’d picked up the phone to talk to Troy, he could picture beads of sweat breaking out across his father’s forehead as his lips thinned out in annoyance.

“There’s such a thing as an abortion,” his father began in his deep baritone, the sound of disappointment causing Sidney to scrunch down in his chair.

“That’s not an option dad,” Sidney sighed, shaking his head. He’d known that particular suggestion would be his father’s most likely initial reaction, but that didn’t make it any easier to hear. “I love her. I’m going to marry her.”

“It’s not the god damn fifties Sid. You don’t have to marry her because you knocked her up. We’ll call Brisson. We’ll get some kind of payment arranged. You don’t need to go tossing your god damn future down the drain for the first girl with a working uterus.”

“I’ve called Pat. He’s talking to the lawyers about a pre-nup. We’re getting married dad. I’m not asking for your opinion. I’m not even asking for your blessing. I’m just telling you, we’re getting married this weekend at Mario’s. I hope you’ll be there. Mom and Taylor are coming so I hope you will too,” Sidney said, trying to keep his voice calm and even, drawing on the last reserves of his patience. There was a long silence on the other end of the phone again. Long enough that Sidney began to wonder if his father had actually hung up on him. It wouldn’t have been the first time. “I thought, at least, you’d be happy that we’re keeping it small and private,” Sidney added, the little boy inside of him still needing to placate his overbearing, over protective father. “It’s not even going to be the whole team, just a few of the guys. It’s going to look like a dinner party, that’s all. The only people who even know what’s actually going on are Mario, Nathalie and you and mom. I don’t even want you to Taylor, in case she decides to facebook this too,” Sidney continued, trying to fill the silence, and trying his best to paint a picture he hoped his father could accept.

“So her parents have the good sense to think this is stupid idea too?” his father said finally, sounding just a little too pleased at the idea of more family strife. Sidney pressed at his temple and reminded himself to breathe. This thing of his father living precariously through him, of trying to control his every move, every decision, he’d really hoped it had ended with the Cup. Obviously that still wasn’t quite the case.

“No...her dad is...,” Sidney started to explain about the complicated and strained relationship Mya had with her father, but decided against it. After all, that would only add fuel to his own father’s argument that she wasn’t the right girl for him. The fact that Sidney thought it made her even more perfect made him smile. “Her relationship with her parents has nothing to do with you, dad. Are you coming or not?”

“I’ll be there,” his father said at last, but there was a note in his voice that made Sidney wince. He sounded just a little too happy about it, which only meant one thing. Trouble. “Someone’s got to talk you out of this bullshit.”

“If you’re going to be like that, dad, then don’t even bother coming,” Sidney grumbled, slamming the phone down, despite the fact that he knew that by doing that he was only playing further into his father’s hands.

He could hear it already. The ‘you’re too young to get married’ and the ‘you’re too young to be a father, look what I went through, what I gave up for you’. Sidney had heard his father’s warnings time and again. The evils of women and how falling for their wiles and falling into their clutches would ruin his career. The fact that he’d never actually been happier than when he was with Mya didn’t seem to matter to his father.

There was no point in arguing with the man though, Sidney knew from long experience. Troy wasn’t what you call ‘a good listener’. That had served its purpose early in Sidney’s life, he knew, but he’d long outgrown the need to have his father serving the bull in the china shop role in his life. If he was going to stop being ‘Sid the Kid’ he was going to have to step up and make his own decisions, even if that meant that Troy never spoke to him again.

Sidney grinned suddenly at the thought.

A guy could dream, couldn’t he?

__________________________________________________________

When she’d gotten in Steve’s car, which he’d insisted she take considering he wasn’t going to need it for the next few months, Mya had had every intention of heading to the bridal salon whose address she had printed out Tish had texted to her earlier in the day but instead, she’d been driving in circles, trying to clear her head.

She wasn’t going to call her father. That much she knew for certain. There was no way the she was going to risk ruining her wedding day by having her dour father there, disapproving of everything and everyone. And besides, Max would probably hit on his girlfriend and then all hell would break loose....

Mario would do it. All she had to was ask and considering he and his wife had been generous enough to offer up their home for the wedding, it might be the right thing to do, Mya thought as she sat staring at the stop light in front of her. He was a really nice man, and Sid thought the world of him, but she hardly knew him. The problem was that she’d only met him once, maybe twice, she thought as the light turned green and Mya gave the car some gas and headed across the intersection and into the driveway. She hardly knew him. It didn’t seem right.

As she put the car into park, she felt her hands go clammy, but that didn’t stop her from pocketing her keys and heading towards the front door.

She’d only been here once before. In fact this was as close as she’d come, the driveway. She’d never been inside. In fact she’d never been out of the car. He’d only come here once, to get something he’d forgotten. His wallet, she thought as she walked up the driveway and put her hand out to knock on the door.

This was a crazy idea, she thought as she listened for movement inside. He’d say no. She was almost certain of that, and yet she couldn’t think of anyone else she knew well enough, or cared enough about to ask.

“Can I help...you?” His voice faded away to nothing, as did his friendly, toothy grin as his brown eyed gaze met hers’. “Tabernak. Je dirais que c’est une surprise, but I always knew you’d come crawling back, par la suite.”

Chapter 21

Chapter 21

“You can fuck her, by all means. I think a healthy sex life is good for a young man, but you can’t have a serious relationship with a stripper.”

Sidney hadn’t expected anything different from his father, but he’d hoped to avoid the entire conversation, at least until he could talk Mya into leaving that part of her life behind. Of course Tanger’s little video had thrown any chance of that out the window.

“You don’t know her,” he tried for what seemed like the twentieth time already this morning, but it was clear that Troy wasn’t prepared to listen to his own son. The older man was pacing Mario’s office as if it were the sidelines of a football grid and Sidney was starting to get whiplash from watching him.

“I’ve always said that you should play the field, sow your wild oats and I stand by that advice now. I mean, I think you could be a little more discreet about seeing that kind of girl...,” Troy smiled as if he was proud of his son for banging a stripper. Sidney shivered at the thought of his father having watched that video of Mya grinding and gyrating for his pleasure. The idea of his father enjoying the view that made his own heart skip a beat...bile rose in his throat and Sidney had to shut his eyes tight against the image in his head of his father’s greedy little eyes watching his girlfriend get naked. “I know it wasn’t your fault that the video got out,” his father continued, hardly missing a beat as he returned to his pacing, “and I’m with Mario on being concerned about how some of your sponsors will see this. Myself, I’m just glad this will erase all those other...rumours.” Sidney rolled his eyes and shook his head. For himself, he didn’t care if there were a few haters out there that might feel the need to question his sexuality. He was comfortable in his own skin and there was no question in his mind and didn’t think there should be any question in his father’s either, but it obviously bothered his old man for people to whisper that his son might be gay. It didn’t seem to occur to him that it was because he’d practically forced celibacy onto his own son that those kinds of rumours had any kind of life at all.

“If you would just meet her...,” Sidney suggested, leaning his forehead into his hands, trying to force his eyes to stay open. He’d had a long night of trying to make it up with Mya and now was when he was supposed to be having his nap before tonight’s game. Now was not the time he really needed to be having this conversation.

“When you’re serious about someone, and that had better not be for years, then by all means, I’d love to meet the girl. But this is not the girl son. Believe your old man here, I think I know what’s best for you.”

Sidney looked up at his father and tried very hard not to be immediately disrespectful. That was not the way he had been raised and yet, all he wanted to do right now was to tell his old man to fuck off. He’d had it with other people telling him what was right for him. He’d had enough of other people making decisions for him. The NHLPA, Mario, his father....

“You’re not listening to me. She is the one. She’s smart and funny and her job...it’s the most pragmatic thing she could be doing. She looked around and found the most lucrative job with the least amount of hours and work involved so she could concentrate on her studies. She’s going to school and paying for that and her Aunt’s medical bills all on her own. I admire her for that. She’s hard working, energetic, smart, beautiful and she has goals and dreams...she is the woman I want to be with and I really would like for you to give her a chance but if you won’t...then you can just fucking kiss my fucking ass,” Sidney sighed, feeling a smile tugging at the corners of his own lips. It felt kind of good to be telling his old man where to stick it. “She’s going to be someone someday dad and I want to be the one with her when that happens.”

“But you’re not taking her to the Christmas party,” Troy stated, matter-of-factly, levelling his gaze with his sons’ and taking the air out of Sidney’s sails. “If you’re so fucking proud of this...girl, then why aren’t you taking her? Or maybe you are a little reluctant to explain to all of the Penguins brass just exactly what it is that your girlfriend does?”

Sidney stared at the deep mahogany of Mario’s desk and tried to find the words to explain why he didn’t want to put Mya through that. Because that was why he hadn’t invited her, so that he could protect her from all of the old men that would leer and give her those knowing looks when they found out she was an exotic dancer. Because he knew what the other wives and girlfriends were already saying. And because Max would eventually find some opportunity to say something that would embarrass the hell out of him....

Embarrass him. He shouldn’t be embarrassed. He told himself he wasn’t and he did believe it when he said that he thought her choice of occupation was pragmatic and yet...

“She won’t always be doing this,” Sidney explained quietly. Once he’d convinced her to let him pay off the rest of her Aunt’s medical bills she wouldn’t have to do it anymore. Once she let him take care of her, and that was only a matter of time. “Next year...,” he began, only to have his father snort derisively.

“She won’t be around next year and you know it son. You’ll be onto the next love of your life and I’ll be trying to talk you off of some other cliff,” Troy mused, patting his son on his shoulder and then tousling his hair. “You’re an emotional boy. You always have been. I blame your mother for that. She’s always been too indulgent where you and your sister are concerned. If you were a little more pragmatic yourself....”

“Stick it, okay?” Sidney pushed himself to his feet and brushed his father’s hand off of his back. “I’m not some fucking kid okay?” he snarled, brushing past his father and heading for the door, before pausing in the doorway and turning back, meeting his father’s amused gaze. “I know you think that you know what’s best for me but I’m not a little kid anymore.”

“No? Have you told her about the party or are you keeping that a secret, for her own good of course,” his father asked, his mouth curving into a smile, like he was about to laugh. Sidney took a deep breath, shook his head, and turned and headed out of the door of Mario’s study, across the foyer and out the front doors, climbing into his Land Rover and heading for home, for his own bed.

If he hadn’t told her it was only because he didn’t want to have a fight about it. It wasn’t because he was ashamed of her. He wasn’t. He just wasn’t.

_________________________________________________________________

“I know, I know it’s your nap time and I hope this doesn’t wake you up...no, no you’re smart enough to have your phone off. I just wanted to tell you right away...I haven’t phoned anyone else yet, not even Steve, but I just wanted to tell you that I turned in the tape of that interview I did with Roethlisberger and they’ve offered me a job, full time, on air. They love the stories I’ve been putting together and they said I have this presence...,” Mya let out a little squeal as she bounced in place on the sidewalk. “I’m so happy. I just wanted to tell you. Okay...so I know you’ll be going straight to the arena when you wake up but maybe just give me a quick call. Okay bye.”

Mya snapped her phone shut and pushed open the doors to the club. Blush was closed for the Holiday season. Nobody went to a strip club two days before Christmas. Everyone was running around, doing last minute shopping, or spending time with their families. Blush would stay closed until the day after Christmas, but Mya wouldn’t be back.

Tonight was going to be her last night with the girls and she found, as she walked through the darkened hallways with the framed and spot-lit posters of the dancers she’d worked with, that she her happy mood became more subdued with every step she took. She realized, as she turned the corner into the unusually quiet club, that she was actually going to miss this place. It hadn’t been the most ideal of jobs, but she’d enjoyed the people and the camaraderie. She was beyond jazzed about actually breaking into the world of sports journalism, but she doubted very much if she’d ever find the type of non competitive, supportive, down to earth sort of co-workers once she got in front of the camera.

“Hey girl. Grab a brush,” Hannah called as Mya emerged from behind the bar and Mya stopped in her tracks, staring at the scene in front of her. The girls, including girls she didn’t recognize and was sure she’d never worked with, were, for the most part, stripped down to their panties and were painting letters onto one another’s stomachs.

“I thought we were closed tonight? I just came in for a drink...,” Mya began, dropping her bag and stepping carefully around a drop cloth that Cassidy was standing on as Hannah drew a her brush down over her abs, leaving a large canary yellow streak behind. “What’s going on?”

“We’re going to the Pens game tonight,” Marti chimed in from where she was drawing on the stomach of one of the girls Mya didn’t know.

“Oh, well in that case, count me in,” Mya grinned, reaching to unbutton her jacket. Sid had mumbled something about not seeing her until the morning when he left. He’d certainly be surprised to see her, especially painted up like she was heading to a Steelers game.

“You might want to skip this one,” Cassidy advised as she watched Hannah’s hand carefully tracing around the letter she’d painted on her stomach. “I don’t think you’re going to want in on this.”

“Besides, won’t you be too busy getting ready for the fancy-dancey dress up ball tonight?” Hannah added, standing back to survey her handiwork.

“Ball? I know you guys think I lucked out on the guy front but....” Mya looked around at the faces that were, one by one, turning to look at her and every face was wearing a mask of incredulity. “What? Why is everyone looking at me like I’ve just grown another head?”

“Are you saying he’s not taking you?” Cassidy asked, tipping her head to one side and regarding Mya curiously, making her want to turn around and look to see if someone was doing rabbit ears over her head or making faces behind her back.

“Who’s taking me where?” she asked, looking around at all the faces again.

“The big Christmas doo...the Penguins have it after the last game before Christmas every year at the Rennaisance. Very black tie, very invitation only.” Mya stared at Hannah and felt her heart sinking. Sidney hadn’t said a single word. Not word one about any party. He’d only said that he was looking forward to spending some time with her tomorrow, which meant he hadn’t invited her, and that meant that either meant he’d invited someone else or.... “He’s ashamed of me,” she whispered, mostly to herself.

“I told you she didn’t break up with him for what he said,” Marti sighed, returning to her art work on another one of the dancers, and Mya notice, most of the women were no longer meeting her gaze as she looked around.

“You don’t know the whole story,” she began, fully intending to explain it the way Sidney had explained it to her, once she’d tired him out enough that all he could do was talk, and yet her own voice trailed away as she thought about what she was doing.

She was going to defend him and he wasn’t even going to take her to his fucking Christmas party. He hadn’t even had the good manners to tell her that he wasn’t going to take her. That was the least he could have done, after he’d spent the night in her bed telling her how sorry he was and how much he did respect her.

The lying sack of shit.

“Give me one of those brushes.”

____________________________________________________________________

“Wait...what day is it? It’s not Halloween is it?” Max elbowed Sidney as she slid onto the bench and pointed up at the jumbotron above their heads. Normally Sidney didn’t pay much attention to the kiss me cams and the rest of that sort of nonsense that they played up on the big screen. Not when he was playing. He hated anything that took away from his concentration. Max, on the other hand, had a bad case of wandering attention. His hirsute Quebecois friend seemed to be constantly on the hunt for hot girls in the crowd. Sid glanced up at the screen and shrugged. Nothing surprised him anymore when it came to the extent that people would go to for attention.

“Cute girls in costumes. So what.”

“So says the guy that’s dating the hot stripper,” TK snorted, picking at the tape on the blade of his stick as she stared up at the girls gyrating on the big screen.

“Hot journalist,” Sidney corrected him as he turned his attention back to the game on the ice. Ruuts made a face at him as he skated towards his own bench and Sidney did his best not to show that he’d noticed. He couldn’t afford for the feisty Finn to get under his skin. He was already distracted by having his parents here and knowing that Mya was still probably expecting to celebrate her new job with him and he was going to be going to the Christmas party instead.

Maybe he could slip out after the dinner....

“Hey look, that one’s wearing that same cop uniform your girlfriend was wearing,” Max pointed out, a little too gleefully Sidney thought as he glanced up at the screen and then shook his head, dismissing the thought as soon as it entered his head. She wouldn’t wear that out in public, especially not after today, she just wouldn’t.

“Why don’t you guys pay a little more attention to the game and worry about pussy later?” he suggested quietly, watching Kuba make a tape to tape pass down the ice. They could use a little more of that themselves tonight.

“Isn’t that the hot chick that was on before Sid’s girlfriend?” TK asked as Sid began to grind his teeth together in sheer frustration.

“I think so,” Max agreed, nudging Sidney in the ribs again. “Are you sure that’s not Mya on the end?” Sidney shook his head and refused to look up, doing his best not to be drawn into their constant pussy hunting. At the moment he was pretty sure that he had enough woman problems without looking for more.

“Holy shit!” The normally sedate, quiet and fully focussed Guerin coughed into his glove and Sidney glanced over at his line mate to see if he’d missed something behind the play, only to see the older winger’s eyes turned up towards the same scene the other guys were watching. Just as the play was whistled dead for icing, Tanger having shot the puck with board weight, the dancers had begun to shed their costumes, at least the top parts, baring not only their breasts but letters painted in bright colours on their abdomens.

“Fuck me,” Sidney hissed, making quick sense of the letters as they were revealed.

R E S P E C T

And as the last woman pulled her jacket open, revealing an exclamation mark painted from the hollow of her throat down to her belly button, Sidney felt sure he’d been worshipping the breasts it was painted between in the early hours of the morning.

Chapter 20

“You should give him the benefit of the doubt,” Tish instructed as she laid back on the pillow, looking up at Mya who was reaching over to mop her brow with a cool cloth with one hand and reaching for the ice chips with the other.

“It’s not that he had to say something. I mean, that’s total bullshit but I get the why of that. It’s what he said that’s pissing me off,” Mya explained as she watched Tish close her eyes as the contraction eased. They were coming closer together and Mya was beginning to wonder where Jordan had got to. Tish had called him from the car as Mya drove at break neck speeds through the city and he’d sworn he’d be right behind them. She was beginning to worry that he had gotten into an accident and might be lying dead in the morgue or something, but she wasn’t about to share her concerns with the woman who was lying, sweating, in the hospital bed.

“He might not have been given a choice of what to say,” Tish sighed, her expression softening as the cool water from the cloth trickled down her face.

“I didn’t see a gun pointed at the back of his head,” Mya muttered, glancing hopefully towards the door. If Jordan would just get here to take over, she could maybe get some space and clear her head. It was entirely possible that she was overreacting, but she wouldn’t know that until she had some space and time to digest what she’d seen.

After all, she still hadn’t returned any of Sidney’s calls and he had called twice more since they’d arrived at the hospital, but then the nurse had asked her, none too politely, to turn off her phone while the fetal monitor was on. Mya listened to the crazy mix of heartbeats. It was sort of a soothing noise, she thought, right up until Tish squeezed her hand so hard that she could feel the bones of her fingers rubbing together.

“Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck me!” Tish howled, doubling over, her eyes shut tight, her teeth clenched. Mya rubbed at one of the bare spots between the ties on Tish’s back and tried to think of soothing things to say. “Where in the fuck is my husband?” Tish growled, her eyes glazed over with pain.

“Do you want me to go out and try and call him again?” Mya offered, reaching for Tish’s phone, which was lying on the tray beside the bed, set on vibrate. Hospital rules be damned as far as Tish was concerned, at least until her wayward husband showed up.

“No, stay, please,” Tish panted, sagging back onto the mattress, her face beaded with sweat, her hand still gripping tightly to Mya’s. “I don’t want to be myself,” she added, sounding a lot less fierce than she had a moment ago. Mya nodded, smiling. Maybe it was a good idea to have a distraction and a little time to help her to cool off. It wasn’t that she wanted to break up with Sidney exactly. Although the thought had certainly crossed her mind about a second and a half after she’d heard him say that he couldn’t respect what she was currently doing to pay her bills. She was just so damn disappointed that he’d sold her down the river like that, especially when she’d thought she’d gotten through to him. She had begun to think that he actually understood and that he had developed some respect for how hard it was and how well she did it.

Men.

“See, I told you that we hadn’t missed anything.”

Both Mya and Tish looked up to see Jordan’s smiling face bobbing towards them, closely followed by his younger brother Marc, who was in town with his team. Mya felt her hand being crushed as Tish let out a high pitched scream.

“What is he doing here?”

“I was picking him up at the airport. He always stays with me when he’s in town. How ya doin’ babes?” he asked, nonchalantly as he bent to kiss his wife, which Mya thought, considering the state of her own hand, was possibly a suicidal move. Tish grabbed a handful of his wheaten hair and yanked, pulling his eyes level with hers and let out a feral growl that sent chills down Mya’s spine. Talk about mama bear....

“I have my legs up in stirrups. My pussy is hanging out for everyone to see. Do I look like I want company to you?” Jordan shook his head, as best he could considering the vice like grip that his wife had on his hair. Mya did her best not to laugh. She really did not want to be drawing attention to herself at this very moment in time.

“I’ll just...walk him out to the lounge?” Jordan made it a question, or maybe it was just the extra twist Tish gave his cow lick before she let him go. In any case, he slipped out of the room, his ginger haired brother laughing behind him. Mya watched them go, shaking her head.

Men.

“Did someone order some drugs?”

The doctor emerged from behind Jordan and his brother, syringe in hand and Mya felt Tish relax as soon as the small dark man smiled towards them.

“If she doesn’t want it, I’ll take it. I think I’m going to need it when I get feeling back in my hand,” Mya chuckled, raising her mangled hand for him to see as Tish pushed herself up to a sitting position.

“I’ll send you down to ortho, as soon as our lovely lady here gets her epidural. Do you want to wait for your husband to come back?” he asked Tish, moving around behind her to undo the stays on her hospital gown.

“Fuck no,” Tish grumbled, leaning as far forward as her very large, active tummy would allow.

“Maybe if you hold her hands, it will help her to keep still,” the OB suggested, giving Mya a wink as he held up the huge syringe. Mya eyed that instrument of torture with wide eyes and decided that not being near the site of that thing going in was a better idea.

She was just taking Mya’s hands, holding them tightly in her own while Mya took a deep breath when Jordan came back, took one look at the size of the needle going into his wife’s back, and promptly passed out.

_____________________________________________________________________

So it was back to this, Sidney thought as he stared down at his phone, which still had not rung, not even vibrated to let him know she was at least acknowledging his text messages. Glancing up at the apartment building across the street, he could see that there was still no light on and he couldn’t help but imagine her sitting there in the dark, the phone unplugged and her cell turned off. He wondered if she was angry, or crying? Either way, he needed to talk to her, needed to explain.

But he couldn’t quite work up the courage to actually go inside and knock on her door. Not after he’d seen the press conference for himself on Television and the way they’d edited it. He hadn’t been thinking about that when he’d been in front of all those microphones, all those cameras. He hadn’t thought about the way the networks edit things down to sound bites and the way that would make him sound.

Which was like an ignorant, insensitive pig, or at least he was sure that was the way that Mya was going to see it. When he’d said that he didn’t have a lot of respect for the job, he’d also followed that up with the fact that he had a great deal of respect for the women that do the job and that he knew how difficult it was and that the circumstances of many of the women who undertake that type of work was equally difficult. Of course that wasn’t the sexy 30 second sound bite the networks went with.

Sidney slammed his hands against the steering wheel. It was so unfair. No one understood what it was like to live in the fucking fish bowl that is his life, he thought irritably. He didn’t want to be bland and boring, automaton Crosby, always saying and doing the right things. He wanted to be a carefree fuck up like Max. Max had so much more fun, doing whatever and whoever he wanted, whenever and wherever he wanted to.

What he wouldn’t give for that kind of freedom, Sidney thought, leaning his forehead against the wheel and cursing under his breath. The problem was, every time he did anything outside of the box it came back to bite him in the ass, big time.

She’d warned him that he shouldn’t get involved with someone like her, he thought with a sigh. Maybe he should have listened to her. It was much too late for that though, he knew unreservedly. He was in too deep. He was too invested. He was in love with the girl, for good or for ill.

And he couldn’t...no he wouldn’t give up on it. He was even more determined not to just give in to Troy or his Mario or anyone else that might stand in the way of his being with Mya. Not even Mya, he thought sardonically. Even if she decided that she didn’t want him, he wanted her and he was single-minded when it came to getting things he set his mind to.

He looked up again at her dark apartment and made up his mind to go up there and make her listen, right when a dark sports car pulled up in front of the building. A car he recognized.

Tanger’s car and Mya was getting out of it.

Sidney felt his blood pressure peak, his teeth grinding together as he watched her bend down to say something to the lone occupant. He couldn’t read her lips from across the road, especially in the dark, but he could clearly see that she was smiling and it made him sick to his stomach.

It had only been a few hours, he thought grimly, squeezing the steering wheel so hard that his knuckles went white. Could she really have gone back to him already, he asked himself as he watched her standing there, chatting animatedly with his teammate.

There was only one way to find out.

__________________________________________________________________

“I’m definitely seeing daddy’s eyes,” Mya said, grinning down at the tiny, squirming and yawning, bundle of joy she was holding in her arms.

“Yep, they definitely have Staalsy’s blue eyes,” Kris said, meeting Mya’s gaze across the bed where he was holding the other twin, Miranda, in his arms. “Luckily they don’t have that crazy chin of yours Jordy,” the young Frenchman added with a wink towards Mya, who laughed and shook her head.

“But do they have his hard head?” Tish asked affectionately, without looking up from the top of her husband’s head. She was busy counting the stitches the doctor’s had put there from when he’d passed out cold at the sight of the Epidural.

“Well not yet,” Mya replied, running her hand lightly over the strawberry blonde fuzz on the top Micah’s head, “but he smells better than his dad, I know that.”

“I agree,” Tish laughed, wrinkling up her nose at the antiseptic smell of the area around his stitches that seemed to be mixing with that bleach and ammonia smell that pervades hospitals in general. “Hand that little boy to me, My, I need to stick my nose in his hair.” Mya took one long last deep baby filled breath in and then reluctantly and gingerly placed the blue wrapped bundle back in his mother’s arms.

“If his head was a little harder he wouldn’t be looking at a week in the press box,” Kris grumbled, handing his own pink swathed bundle into Jordan’s outstretched arms.

“Well someone has to help me change diapers,” Tish chuckled, cooing at her little boy before turning an inquiring eye towards Mya.

“Don’t look at me like that. I am not coming over to do your midnight feeds,” she laughed, leaning over to press her lips to the new mother’s forehead. “Speaking of which, I am dead on my feet and this,” she held up her bruised and battered hand, “needs to go on ice. I’ll come see how you’re doing in the morning.”

“I can give you a ride home,” Kris offered, Mya thought a little too promptly.

“I just live like...literally down the street. I can walk, thanks,” she replied quietly, turning to head for the door. It had already been just a little too weird having Kris show up, alone, without any of his other teammates around not long after Tish had managed to squeeze Miranda out. It seemed a little too obvious. On the other hand, Mya did feel like he had an apology that was long overdue, and an explanation coming that she did owe him. She just didn’t feel like making it tonight.

“It’s cold and rainy. I don’t mind,” Kris said, falling into step with her. Mya shrugged and sort of nodded, half heartedly, before turning to give the new family unit a wave. Not that they noticed, and not that she blamed them. For only being a couple of hours old, those were two cute kids. “Besides, I have an admission to make,” Kris added as they strolled down the hall, past other expectant fathers pacing the halls on their cell phones, still pregnant women hanging off of the shoulders of loved ones, hoping to bring on imminent labour by walking.

“Well I’ll warn you, I don’t have any nun or priest costumes,” Mya giggled nervously, “so I can’t promise I’ll keep it between you and me.”

“If you tell Sidney...well I’d probably tell him myself if he was here,” Kris replied as if he didn’t get the joke, which Mya very much doubted. That only meant he was very serious about whatever heavy shit he was about to lay on her.

“Look if it was your idea to bring Sidney to the bar then I forgive you,” Mya began as they turned the corner towards the front door and Kris walked a little faster to get ahead, so he could hold open the door, like the good old fashioned sort of gentleman he was. She could feel the little weight in her stomach that was what was left of her feelings for him, getting heavier.

“No, it wasn’t,” Kris smiled, a sort of half smile that didn’t go up to his soft brown eyes. “But close.” He indicated with a quick point where his car was in the parking lot, and, pulling her leather jacket up over her head, Mya dashed behind him to the car, bouncing in place as she waited for him to slide in and unlock the door.

“Just tell me one thing,” Kris said as he started the car and Mya gave herself a dog like shake to shed as much of the icy water from her skin as she could. “Were you sleeping with Sidney when we were...going out?” Mya took a deep breath and stared at the rain running in rivulets down the windshield.

“Once or twice,” she replied quietly, deciding that honesty was called for, considering what she’d done to him. Glancing sideways at him, she saw him grip the wheel hard before he sighed and nodded, as if that was the answer he was expecting, and then, steeling himself, threw the car in reverse.
______________________________________________________________________


“If you’re really that pissed at me, why don’t you just fuck him right here and make me watch?” Sidney snarled as he slammed the door on the Land Rover behind him and strode towards where the driver’s side door of Kris’s dark coloured European sports car. He gave Kris a dark look before facing Mya over the roof of the car. She was looking surprised to see him. Well of course she was. She’d just been caught red handed, elbow deep in the cookie jar.

“I’m pissed at you alright Crosby, but not that desperate,” she replied coolly, bouncing her house keys thoughtfully in her hand. As if she was maybe thinking about tossing them at his head. “I was just saying good night to Kris. He was nice enough to drive me home from the hospital, where I’ve been being a very good WAG all night, holding Trish’s hand while she had twins. I noticed you haven’t visited,” she replied, an edge in her voice that told him that he was deep, deep in the dog house. Running her hand across her face, to brush the rain out of her eyes, left behind a dark smudge where her eyeliner and mascara were beginning to run.

“Tish and Jordy had the twins?” Sidney asked, feeling the flutter of butterfly wings in his chest.

“Micah and Miranda...named for you girlfriend I suspect?” Mya replied, the icy tone in her voice deepening. The only thing Sidney could do was nod, struck mute by the idea of a little girl named for Randi.... “They’re all doing fine, if you care,” she added, sarcasm creeping into her voice. “Although truth be told, Jordan’s a little worse for wear.”

“Jordan?” Sidney had to think for a moment who that was, his thought were... elsewhere.

“Yeah, hit his head, the big pussy. Now, I’d love to stay and chat out here all night but,” Mya ran her hand through her hair which was now slicked to her skull and dripping down her face, “but I’ve had this sort of long, shitty day and I’d rather not die of pneumonia so, I think Kris has something to say to you and then if you want to come up and apologize for being such a complete fucking asshole, I’ll think about whether or not I want to let you in.”

Sidney watched her turn on her heel and head into the apartment. He watched her until her dark clad form had disappeared from view before he looked down into the driver’s window, which had then rolled slowly down.

“Get in.”

______________________________________________________________

Mya grabbed a towel and draped it over her head before shucking her clothes and tossing them in a heap in the corner. She’d have to do laundry first thing in the morning before her clothes started to mould and smell, but right now, all she could think about was getting into a hot shower and trying to forget about this day.
Not the part where Tish gave birth to the twins. That part had been amazing. Tish had cried, she’d cried, Jordan had been too stoned on whatever they’d given him for his headache to cry but he’d grinned like an idiot.

What she wanted to forget about was the part where she’d seen the man she was falling in love with say that he didn’t respect her. That part she could still feel, like a roofing nail digging into her chest. That part still bled. That part, she hadn’t decided what she was going to do about it, but she’d promised Tish, on her brand new babies heads, that she’d give Sidney the opportunity to explain himself.
The other part she wanted to forget was that Kris had been the one to film her at work and hand it over to the press.

She could understand it. After the initial shock wore off, she realized that he was still angry and had every right to be. What he’d done was childish and he knew it. He didn’t feel very good about it and he knew that once the rest of the team found out, he’d probably be on the first bus to the minors, but he’d admitted it and he’d apologized and Mya believed he was really, truly sorry.

She still sort of hoped that Sidney would punch him in the mouth though, she realized, as she stepped beneath the hot water and turned her face up into the spray. It wasn’t just childish, it was mean spirited. Understandable, she decided, but petty. She’d thought more of him than that.

She’d felt bad about fucking Sidney behind his back but she didn’t anymore.

“I’m sorry.” She’d heard the door to the bathroom open and shut and smiled to herself. So he should be. “You don’t...there was more to it than what was shown on TV and I did try and call you,” he continued, sounding as tired and over this day as she felt. “I didn’t want to do it. I didn’t want to even say anything about it but I wasn’t given a choice,” he added, and Mya could hear him slumping against the wall, could hear him sliding down to the floor. She imagined him dropping his head into his hands, his dark hair made even darker by the rain, plastered to his head like he’d just finished a game, his pale skin all the more pale for the strain and the worry her not getting in touch with him had probably caused.

Mya let the hot water run over her face, and smiled. It felt good. It felt good to be warm. It also felt good to have a man grovelling to her but after what Kris had done...she decided that a little mercy was probably in order.

“Get in here,” she said, closing her eyes and listening to the silence that was quickly followed the sound of scrambling feet, quickly followed by the sound shoes being kicked off and his jeans hitting the floor.

Chapter 16

Mya followed the usher down a narrow corridor and through a numbered door to one of the suites, a box really with lcd screens and plenty of munchies set out. He left her there without a word, standing in the middle of a room that was little more than a glorified kitchenette with more comfortable chairs than the rest of the paying public got to sit in.

And she wasn’t alone.

There was a group of women, young beautiful and well dressed women, sipping wine and leaning out of the box, as if they were watching the warm up, but Mya was almost sure that what they were doing was talking about her.

They’d seen her come in. Every head had swivelled towards the door when she walked in, but now they were all ignoring her. Not one of them was offering any kind of welcome at all.

Mya gazed out toward the ice and thought about Sidney looking up and not finding her watching him. Then she thought about Kris and wondered if he knew she was here and if he did, if he was looking up at the box and wishing she wasn’t. It was enough to make her want to pack up her sandbox toys and go home to her apartment and wait for him to come to her.

“They’ll get over it,” a familiar voice whispered in her ear and Mya felt herself smiling as she turned to see the very pregnant wife of Sidney’s teammate raiding one of the appetizer plates. “It’s just with you being the Captains girlfriend, you automatically become Queen of the WAGs and one or two of them have their surgically altered noses out of joint.”

“Queen of the...the what?” Mya hissed back at Tish who was munching thoughtfully on a breadstick.

“WAGs. Wives and girlfriends. A very secret society, akin to the wives of the god Amun back in Ancient Egypt I think,” Tish replied sardonically.

“I don’t want to be queen of anything. I haven’t even gone on a date with the guy,” Mya insisted, feeling a little panicked at the thought of being labelled his girlfriend already. It seemed like bad luck.

“I heard you’d been for coffee a few times,” Tish answered with a shrewd glance towards her that made Mya wish for a hole to open up into another dimension where things weren’t so complicated and everyone didn’t seem to know your business.

“Does everyone on this team have to know about this?” she asked, eyeing a plate of, so far, untouched desert squares. Right about now a plate of Nanaimo bars seemed very tempting.

“Not everyone, but Jordy and I talk...I mean a lot lately. I mean, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but right now, I’m the size of a small planet so we’re not having sex so we talk, a lot...it’s actually pretty annoying,” Tish explained , causing Mya to hide a grin behind her hand as she raised her eyebrows at the statuesque woman who was nonchalantly sharing details of her sex life. “Not that Sid is the kind of guy to share a lot of information mind you, but he mentioned that you two had been out for coffee a couple times and believe you me, that’s more of a date than Jordy and I had before we found ourselves in the family way,” she added, with a sigh as she reached for another bread sticks. “These two are carb whores I’m telling you.”

“Well coffee or not, we’re not exactly dating,” Mya said decisively, turning her attention back towards the ice. She could hear pucks ringing off of the glass even above the heavy techno beat filling the arena.

“Believe me, it doesn’t matter to them,” Tish explained quietly, shooting the gaggle of pretty girls a meaningful glance. “The fact that he put you up here is all they need to know. Plus...half of them probably ended up with the guy they’re with by trying to get to Sid anyway. Silly stick figures.” Mya felt her mouth drop open and quickly turned her back on the group to stare at Tish, wide eyed. “Oh c’mon, don’t look surprised. Your boy earns five times more than the next highest paid player on the team with all his endorsements and bonus contracts.” Tish eyed Mya speculatively for a moment and then tilted her head to one side and pursed her lips. “You seem like a smart girl to me and you don’t strike me as a gold digger, which is why I’m talking to you and not them,” she added, glancing towards the girls and then back at Mya. “A lot of the guys on this team are pretty fucking young, so they don’t really care as long as the chick is hot and has a nice pair of bombs and puts out. Believe me, they don’t take it personally. Sid, on the other hand, is a little...well he’s a lot more picky. He doesn’t fall for all that...pretty wrapping paper. According to Jordan, he’s practically been a monk apart from Randi.” Mya pulled a face and immediately turned her head away, trying to hide it from Tish, but it was too late. “It’s okay, I get it. I guess it probably is pretty fucking hard to compete with a dead person,” the woman laughed, before reaching for a carrot and steering Mya towards the seats, her head tilted so that what she had to say would remain unheard. “And that’s the other thing. Once that boy puts his mind to something...or in your case, someone, well, that’s it. He’s all in. He puts all his chips into one bet, which is why you need to give him a bit of a break.”

Mya let Tish lead her to the seats and allowed herself to be pressed down into one. She could feel the eyes of the other women on her, but she tried to ignore the way it made the hairs on the back of her neck stand on end.

“So...what is this...Queen thing?” she asked quietly, taking a carrot that Tish offered and chewing on it nervously.

“Ah that,” Tish grinned, putting her feet up on the wall in front of them and letting out a contented sigh as she crossed the ankles of her Steve McQueen hounds tooth stiletto ankle boots. “You’re basically in charge of all the charity functions, the sort of...,” Tish looked thoughtful for a moment and then brightened. “You’re the hostess with the most-est.”

“And if I don’t want to be?” she asked quietly, watching Sidney line up a slap shot that rang off the post.

“It comes with territory my dear,” Tish replied with a sigh. “It’s all part and parcel with dating the crown Prince of Pittsburgh.”

_____________________________________________________________

Tish had left her in the crowded hallway outside the dressing room while she went in search of her own significant other who had blocked a shot with part of his face and was in the trainer’s room getting stitched up. Mya pressed herself against the concrete wall and tried not to make eye contact with any of the media or the few lucky fans and puck groupies that had found their way down to the dressing room, hoping to catch a glimpse of a half naked Penguin.

Her inattention was likely the reason he was able to sneak up on her, causing her to squeak in surprise.

“Max said you were here. I thought I’d see for myself.” Kris stood in front of her, shirtless, a towel draped over his shoulder, sweat making his long dark hair fall into his eyes. He ran his fingers through it, slicking it back, while he eyed her with obvious impatience. Mya steeled herself and waited for whatever ugliness might be forthcoming. She didn’t begrudge him any negativity towards her. She wouldn’t even try to defend herself she decided as he stared her down. “So...just tell me one thing,” he began, dropping his dark gaze from hers’. “Just tell me you didn’t do this to get to him.” He glanced up at her through his damp hair and Mya felt her chest get tight.

“No...no...it wasn’t like that. I promise,” Mya stuttered, shocked that he would think her motives could have been that deceitful, but when she saw the sneer on his face, marring his handsome features, she thought of what Tish had told her about those other girls upstairs. “This...I met Sidney before I met you. I’m not like that.” His dark gaze searched hers’ and then he merely shrugged and ran his other hand through his damp hair as his expression softened.

“I hoped you’d say that,” he said quietly. “I don’t know if I believe it but...,” he shrugged his muscular shoulders again and gave her a lop sided smile.

“Believe it.” Sidney’s hand closed over Kris’s shoulder, but his eyes were all for Mya. She felt a shiver run down her spine as his caramel coloured gaze locked with hers’. His hair too was damp, but his skin glowed with a freshly scrubbed look, and the smile that reflected back at her made her feel like she’d just had a sip of whisky, warm and giddy, right down to her core. “Now, if you’re done, Mya and I have a date.” Kris bristled, sending Sidney a less than friendly look, but headed off in silence. Mya watched his retreating form, admiring the width of his back, but the cool fingers that wrapped themselves around her own quickly made her forget all about her little Frenchman. “Ready?” Sidney asked quietly, the corner of his full lips turned up slightly in question.

“No,” she answered honestly. “But I guess we can’t stay here can we?”

“Well we could,” Sidney smile was shy but sincere as he stepped into the spot absented by Kris. “But it’s kind of funky smelling down here and I don’t know about you but...I don’t really want any more interruptions.” Mya managed to nod and smile at him but could barely breathe as his other hand reached up and his thumb ran gently over her bottom lip. “You and Tish have a good time with that bucket of pop corn?”

“You could see that from all the down there?” she asked, amazed.

“You’re very...distracting,” he admitted quietly, his eyes glued to her lips as he licked his own before managing to drag his focus back to her eyes. “I want to kiss you,” he whispered, his voice thick and hoarse with need, “but I can’t here. Can we go?”

Mya nodded, biting down on her own lip as his hand gave hers’ a gentle squeeze before he turned and lead her through the crowded corridor filled with equipment, travel cases and warm bodies.
___________________________________________________________

Considering the imperfect memories they had already made at her apartment, Sidney had decided to bring her to his own. It was also a test. If he was ready, if he was truly ready to move on, then he would be able to get through this surrounded by his memories of Randi.

So far so good.

She sat cross legged on the end of his bed, a pillow clutched to her chest like a shield, her eyes watching him warily as she digested the story he’d told her. He hadn’t held anything back from her, even when it was hard to say out loud, even when he had to wipe away a tear or two. He’d emptied his soul, laid his heart bare at her feet and she sat there, silent, waiting.

“And then I met you and... from the very beginning....”

“Don’t go all 'August Rush' on me. I don’t believe in love at first sight and I don’t think, as pragmatic as you seem, that you really do either,” she said quietly, her gaze searching his face before returning to the tassel at the edge of the throw pillow. There were so many of those in this apartment.

“I’m not saying that,” Sidney corrected her, a smile finally tugging at the corners of his lips after what seemed like hours of cutting out his own heart with his own hands. “I guess I mean that I’ve just wanted you and maybe I wasn’t ready right away, maybe I didn’t want to be but I am now and it’s not just that I want you, it’s...more.” He searched her gaze, wondering if he was scaring her away. It wasn’t what he wanted but it was so hard to read her body language. She wasn’t like an opposing center facing him over the face-off circle. His best guess was she was doing her best to hide what she was thinking, which seemed a little unfair considering he was exposing his soul.

“I want to like you Sidney,” she said finally, picking at the corner of the pillow before setting it aside and looking up at him, facing him. “I just...I don’t know if I can trust you and I feel like there’s all this...stuff around you that’s so crazy that I’d have to trust you to let myself feel anything.” She bit her lip and her brow furrowed, like she hadn’t quite said what she’d meant to, but he understood, or thought he did.

“I know...my life is pretty...complicated and I haven’t given you any reason to believe in me at all but...if you could just give me one more chance...,” his voice trailed away as her full lips turned up at the corners. “Please Mya. I know I don’t fucking deserve it after what an ass I’ve been...,” he continued as she crawled on hands and knees towards him. She stopped, just short of her body touching his and knelt in front of where he was sitting up against the pillows at the head of the bed. It was kind of cocky to have brought her straight into the bedroom but he had piles of laundry on the couch that Nathalie had brought over a few days ago that he hadn’t put away yet and the kitchen just didn’t seem like the right place to have this conversation. Still, now that she was sort of looking down at him, as her hands ran through his hair and her lips brushed his, he couldn’t decide if it had been a good choice or not.

He wanted her, of course he did. Every time they were together it was better than the last time but he’d promised himself that he wouldn’t just have sex with her again. If he wanted her to trust him, and he did, there had to be more than just this animal hunger and yet, as her lips moved over his, as her tongue ran along the length of his bottom lip, he couldn’t deny that he wanted to ravage her.

Luckily he didn’t have to make that call. Just as his tongue reached to stroke along hers’, she withdrew. She looked down at him, her hands flat against his chest but a playful, if shy, smile on her face.

“Okay...we’ll try. Just...no more running away or I’ll slit your Achilles tendons,” she said, her emerald gaze searching his once more before placing another gentle kiss on his lips. Sidney, relieved, let out a breath in long sigh that had Mya giggling.

“It’s a deal,” he grinned, pinning her down to the bed, and laying a kiss on her neck, making her sigh but not in a relieved sort of way, but in a ‘do that again’ sort of way. It was more than tempting, god knows, but Sidney drew back, using all of his willpower, which was essential considering the way she looked lying on his sheets, her hair fanned around her, her dress having ridden up her thighs and fallen from her shoulder. “Hungry?” he asked, his voice catching in his throat as she ran her index finger slowly and deliberately down his chest.

“I could eat,” she replied, biting down on her bottom lip, looking appetizing in every way as she grinned, mischievously, up at him.

This was definitely not going to be easy he decided as he turned and forced himself to walk out of the bedroom towards the kitchen, and it seemed like she had no intention of making it any easier on him either.

___________________________________________________________________

Her body lay warm and relaxed, against his, fitting naturally into his arms. It had been his idea that she stay, after they’d talked for hours, before, during and after dinner. It was like when they’d first met, he just felt comfortable with her, like he could tell her anything.

She’d finally fallen asleep, curled up against him like a contented kitten.

For his part, Sidney couldn’t sleep. How could he with the curve of her ass pressed against his groin, not to mention that she’d stripped down to a pair of black lace boy shorts and matching black bra which she’d covered with one of his work out shirts before climbing under the covers with him. He’d already seen it all she’d said and maybe that was true but it didn’t mean he didn’t want to again. In fact, as he lay behind her, one arm draped over her waist, the other cradling her head, his hands itched to touch her, to roam over her body, to discover every inch of her.
Just a brush of skin on skin, the palm of his hand running gently over her hip and she made the smallest of noises, relaxing against him. He waited until her breathing returned to the slow even breaths of deep sleep before he slid his hand up over her hip, down the slope of her waist, up over her ribs until his hand came to rest beneath her breast, where skin met lace. She sighed, backing her shapely ass into him, and he had to clench his teeth or let the moan out at the feel of her pressed against an erection he couldn’t help, after all, he was only a red blooded male. He could hardly help it if he wanted her, especially with her in his bed wearing sexy lingerie. He wished he didn’t. He wanted to be good. He wanted to be respectful. He wanted to earn her trust. He wanted to build something meaningful. He also wanted to press her down into this bed and feel her body wrapped around his.

This wanting wasn’t the same as it had been with Randi either. In fact, she wasn’t really much like Randi at all when he thought about it. Sure she looked a little like her, but at the same time, she really didn’t. She was...stronger and not just physically, although that was clearly evident in the round of her hip and the breast that didn’t fit in his hand at all.

He stroked his thumb over her nipple, feeling it harden more with each light brush of his hand. She made a small sound, almost like purring, and he thought that she wasn’t so much like a kitten at all. She was like a big cat, a lioness, and though having lost Randi had broken his heart, he suddenly knew that Mya could rip out his heart and eat it and he’d gladly let her if only he could have her in his arms and in his bed, like this, all of the time.

Sliding his hand beneath the lace, he cupped her breast, massaging it gently, pressing his lips to her shoulder, the back of her neck until she moaned and reached back and grabbed a handful of his thigh and pulled him harder against her.

“Don’t be such a tease,” she sighed, grinding her ass against his erection until, to suppress a moan, he bit down into her shoulder, making her writhe against him.

“Teasing is about the last thing on my mind,” he promised, tugging on her nipple until she sucked in a sharp breath, his name escaping in a long, drawn out sigh.

It had been his intention that the next time he had her naked in his arms that he was going to do this the right way, the face to face, slow and sweet way. But now, with the taste of her skin on his tongue and the way she whimpered when he pushed his barely constrained erection against the lace of her panties, Sidney knew the time for nice, the time for sweet and romantic would have to be later.

Rolling her onto her stomach, he urged her onto her knees and tugged her panties down until they were at her knees, making it impossible for her to spread her thighs any wider. Not that he cared. He barely tugged his own boxer briefs down before he was sliding into her.

God she was tight, and hot and wet. He had to squeeze his eyes shut and take quick, sharp breaths to stop himself form cumming immediately. He stayed there, sheathed inside of her, his hands gripping her hips, until her muscles squeezed around him and she whimpered, pushing back against him.

No, he couldn’t be slow, couldn’t take his time, couldn’t be careful. He could only fuck her, mindlessly slamming into her until the headboard was banging against the wall hard enough that he thought he could hear the neighbor complain.

_____________________________________________________________

Mya wasn’t complaining though. She was begging for more. Words coming out of her mouth she didn’t think she’d ever said before. At least not out loud. She may have thought them, a time or two, in traffic probably. Never in bed, and never like this.

This was a good way to wake up, she decided as she made noises she thought the women in porn movies made, the ones she’d always thought were so fake. Now she was making them and she was grinning and very, very happy. She even liked it when he brought his hand back and spanked her, hard, turning her ass into stinging, tingling flesh and she really liked it, when he reached forward and wound her hair around his hand, tugging her hair back and used it like a Bronc rope, like he needed it to hold on.

No one had ever done that, but then he was as amazing in bed as he was on the ice. Every time it got better. Every time they fucked it was better than the last time, better than she remembered it and she had a very vivid imagination.

“Harder. Fuck me harder,” she begged, glancing over her shoulder at him, letting him see how wild he was driving her, how much she liked the way he filled her, how close to the edge he was taking her. His eyes were narrowed, his jaw was thrust forward and his lips pursed in grim determination. He was in control and he let her know it, raising his hand off of her ass and bringing it down with a resounding smack that had her bucking back against him as she whimpered and asked for more.

He looked amazing like that, his back arched, his six-pack tight, his biceps bulging, and the light filtered through the curtains from the street making his hair glow blue black. He looked like some kind of hero from a romance novel; the buff, domineering dark haired sex god straight off the cover of one of those bodice rippers that Hannah loved. She imagined she could see him as one of those turn of the century swash buckling pirates, swinging down off the yard arm to steal her from his rival, taking her down to the galley and having his wicked way with her, marking her as his.

And she liked to be marked. She wondered if she’d be able to see his hand print on her ass in the morning. There was no doubt she’d be able to take a dental-mould from his teeth marks in her shoulder and she didn’t mind one bit. It would make working tomorrow tricky but she was sure the girls could come up with something to cover the marks.

“On top,” he moaned, pulling out and dropping down beside her, on his back. Not needing to be asked twice, Mya straddled him, lowering herself over him, slowly, inch by delicious inch. She felt him fill her, felt his hands supporting her breasts, and then it was her turn to arch her back as he pushed up to meet her, his hips meeting hers’ as she ground against him.

She wasn’t entirely in control and she didn’t care. She closed her eyes and just let herself feel, let the waves of pleasure flow over and around her. She let him take her to the edge, let him push her over, not once but twice more until she was panting, until her entire body was tingling and cooling from the loss of blood.

Only then did he finally flip her over, and, pushing her thighs up and apart, thrust his way deep inside of her and let himself go, his eyes blazing as her name left his lips in a feral growl, leaving her in no doubt that he was all in.

Chapter 15

(When I steal something I like to admit it, so this is a bit I’ve stolen and reworked from the movie ‘Bed of Roses’ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3SjJPSTsM7M 6:35)

“They took a break between like eleven and eight but they’ve been pretty much coming every hour since then,” Mya mused as she signed for yet another dozen roses, pink ones this time, and closed the door on the young delivery boy. “I don’t have anything else to put them in. I just sort of have them stacked on the floor now.”

“Well, I guess you have to give the guy some credit for persistence anyway,” Steve laughed on the other end of the line.

“But I told him to stay away from me,” Mya moaned, standing in the middle of her apartment, with hardly a bare inch of floor visible beneath what seemed like a sea of long white boxes full of red and white and pink roses. She had one vase to her name, which she’d put the first dozen long stemmed red roses into. Since then she’d been filling Big Gulp cups and souvenir cups and then she’d resorted to cutting the tops off of milk cartons. It really was so white trash.

“And technically he is,” Steve reminded her and she had to admit he was right.

“He must have bought an entire flower shop...maybe even a warehouse or something. It’s a good thing I don’t have hay fever,” Mya sighed, putting the latest delivery down with the rest of the boxes littering her floor. “This is crazy. I don’t get it. He’s not even interested in me.”

“Uh...that’s obviously not true. I hate to break it to you like this My, but a guy doesn’t spend that kind of cash on anyone unless he’s really interested.”

“He’s not though. I mean, c’mon, I’ve given him every opportunity to not act like a complete jackass and every time I think he might actually be a good guy, he does something stupid and....”

“He’s a human being My, not Superman. So he fucks up. You’re not without your faults you know,” he laughs again and Mya pauses in her pacing and allows herself to smile. “Put the poor bastard out of his misery and call him. You know the deliveries aren’t going to stop until you do.”

“He’s in love with his dead girlfriend. He doesn’t want me, he just wants a live body to screw,” Mya complained, standing in the middle of her apartment and turning in a slow circle, taking in all of the boxes.

“That kid could get pussy anywhere My. Believe me. Guys like him in the army...it’s like peanut butter....”

“Yeah, I know. Spreads easy. Thanks for reminding me that I’m a whore on top of everything else,” she sighed, deciding to move a box from off of one of the kitchen chairs so she could actually sit.

“You’re the one who gave the milk away,” he chuckled, which made Mya shake her head.

“You men are so hypocritical. Why can you sleep around but us girls are supposed to be pure and sweet and untouched? Who’s going to sleep with you when you sleep around if we’re all so fucking pure?”

“That’s easy. The sluts, of which you aren’t one My. I’ve known you how long? You don’t give it away that easily. You must like the guy.”

“I do...which is stupid, because with him...I am so punching above my weight class you know?”

“No you’re not. He is. Especially the way he’s been fucking up. But he is trying to make up for it My, so...give the poor idiot a chance. Call him. See what he wants. I mean c’mon, if he just wanted pussy, those roses are what? Twenty bucks a dozen? He could have had a pretty decent hooker by now for the kind of money he’s spent trying to suck up to you. Don’t you think?” Mya couldn’t argue the point and by the bemused silence on the other end of the line, Steve knew it too. It was kind of annoying, but she rolled her eyes as she pushed herself to her feet and grunted, which was as close as she was going to get to admitting it.

“I’ll go ask him to stop, in person, will that make you happy?”

“You just want to drool on him again.” Mya hung up the phone before she started to swear at it, hurling it at the couch as she headed for the bedroom to get dressed.

______________________________________________________________

“Do you want me to come with you?” Jordy asked, turning off the ignition in his pick up and turning toward his friend. Sidney just shook his head as he turned his attention to the walkway and the snow piled up around the grave markers. Some were cleared, those that had regular visitors, most were not, lying somewhere under the snow. Hers was marked with a gold speckled poinsettia and a tiny artificial Christmas tree. He rolled the batteries over and over in his hand that would keep her tree lit and sparkling over her until his next visit.

“No, I’m good. I’ll be right back,” he promised quietly, his hand already on the door, bracing himself for the cold blast that would hit him as soon as he opened it. Taking a deep breath, Sidney pushed the door open, but felt Tish’s hand on his shoulder. She dangled a garland of holly and mistletoe by a red velvet ribbon. Sidney took it from her feeling a weight of emotion settle on his shoulders.

“Take this for me,” Tish said, wiping at her eyes. Sidney nodded and stepped out of the truck and into the snow.

He took the few steps off of the path in the deep snow. It was definitely a winter wonderland here, unlike in the rest of the city where the past few days of snow had already turned to dirty, discoloured mush. The trees that surrounded the cemetery were heavy with snow, their branches bending low over their charges. Some of the surrounding wrought iron fence was decorated with brightly coloured garlands, some store bought but more of them home made chains of construction paper.

Somehow it didn’t seem as lonely and forlorn here today as it often did, but it did seem more poignant than ever, so many people to be missed at a time when families should be together, and here he was, saying goodbye.

He bent over her plaque and brushed some of the fresh snow from it, feeling the raised letters of her name even through the Gore-Tex gloves he was wearing to protect his hands from the cold, bitter wind. He felt the familiar ball of emotion forming in his throat, but today it was worse, it came immediately and all at once. Not gradually, building the longer he stayed. Growing until he couldn’t breathe anymore.

Today it was immediate and Sidney bit down on his lip to try and hold back a sob, but it came anyway.

“I really hope this is what you want. I feel like it is but...shouldn’t this be easier?” he asked, but no one answered, just the sound of the wind whistling through the heavily weighted branches. Sidney laid the garland Tish had given him around the small brass rectangle and then reached for the batteries in his pocket. He lifted the small tree up, carefully turning it over and opening the small aperture in the plastic base and shaking out the dead batteries. Just as carefully, he replaced them with the new batteries and then put the now blinking tree at the corner of the grave.

Just those few small actions had helped to calm his jangled nerves and help get his emotions under control. Taking another deep breath, Sidney ran his fingers over her name once more and then placed the one rose he’d taken from the first dozen he’d had sent to Mya’s over the marker.

“So...I might not come to visit next week,” he began, taking another breath as a tear escaped and slid down his cheek. Wiping it away he closed his eyes and brought her smiling face to mind. “I’m trying. I’m doing my best,” he whispered. “I just wish...I wish....” His voice became a sob and he covered his face with his hands and let the tears flow. He couldn’t keep them back anymore.

He was so confused. Here was this woman he loved. He’d never really been in love before. Sure there’d been puppy love, but nothing like he’d felt for Randi. Now there was Mya and even though it felt like he was somehow dishonouring Randi’s memory, he couldn’t seem to keep the woman out of his thoughts. Once it had only been Randi’s name on his lips as he fell asleep now it seemed to only be Mya’s. And it was thoughts of her that kept him awake, sweating, needing her, wanting her.

Yet, when he did think of her, he found Randi smiling at him, and he felt as if she was encouraging him. Every time he began to dream of her, Mya was always right there, near by and Randi was fading away, further and further from his reach.

“If this is what you want...I just wish I knew,” he sighed, his voice barely above a whisper. His breath hung in icy clouds around his head, like a halo as his fingers brushed the last of the snow that clung to the small marker before he took one last deep breath to steady himself before he turned and headed back towards the idling truck.

_____________________________________________________

Mya stood near the doors that everyone seemed to going in and out of, eyeing the security with trepidation. Fingering the credentials she’s been given for her upcoming interview with the Steelers, she wondered if it would get her past security, if they’d notice it was for the wrong event. Deciding not to take the chance, she was about to turn around and walk back to the bus stop when she felt a hand on her shoulder, nearly making her jump out of her skin. She spun around, half expecting to see his hazel eyes staring back at her, but instead it was that hairy Frenchman, that friend of Kris’s that had been with him at Blush.

“Before I help you walk past those guards, who are you looking for? Kris or Sid?” Mya searched the bearded face, the happy go lucky grin and the kind eyes and decided that there probably wasn’t a wrong answer to that question. Instead, she held up one of the long stemmed red roses that had been delivered and raised her eyebrow.

“I need to talk to someone about the flower shop they’ve opened in my apartment.” Max nodded, a perceptive smile on his face that said that he knew all about the massive and ongoing flower deliveries.

“Tell you what, I’ll get you inside where it’s warm, and then I’ll bring him to you. I’m guessing you two will want a little...privacy for this conversation?”

Mya nodded and accepted the arm he offered. She linked her arm with his and together they walked right past the guards. In fact, both of the big burly men that made way for them, pushing the doors open for them like they were royalty, gave him the kind of smile that suggested Max was a lady killer, the type of guy who would bring a pretty girl in before a game just to help him ‘loosen up’. Mya ignored the way they looked at her. It didn’t really matter what they thought of her right now. She wasn’t sure they’d ever see her again anyway.

In fact she hadn’t really made up her mind what she was going to say to Sidney when she did see him. She hadn’t really thought past this, getting inside. She’d almost made up her mind that she was going to have to wait for him to come out and even then, she hadn’t figured out how to make him see her past all the other girls standing behind the security gates. Now that Max had lead her inside and she was suddenly at the centre of what seemed like a bustling bee-hive, her mind was racing.

“I’ll leave you here,” Max said, bending his head near to hers’ so that he wasn’t overheard by the passing equipment guys and the nearby reporters hovering outside their dressing room. He escorted her into what looked a lot like a doctor’s office, complete with examining table, all kinds of dressing for wounds, tongue depressors and bottle after bottle of muscle rub. “Let me go see if Sid’s here yet.” He closed the door behind him, leaving her standing in the room, alone.

The room was warm, almost oppressively so. Mya shucked her heavy winter coat, laying it across the table. She thought about taking off her toque, but decided against it, telling herself she wouldn’t be here for long, and besides she hadn’t brought a brush with her.

Turning back towards the door, Mya was pulling off her black leather gloves when the door opened, almost as if it was being wrenched off of its’ hinges, slamming into the wall behind it with a resounding crash. Mya yelped, her heart pounding with surprise as she turned to see Sidney skidding into the room in his stocking feet.

Damn. It was so unfair how hot he looked in the body hugging black spandex. Mya had to remind herself that she was angry at him, even though her body was reacting in ways that were the opposite of annoyed and the fact that he was giving her simple black dress and matching black leggings the long once over was not helping in the least.

“This has to stop,” she said, holding the single red rose towards him, trying to sound stern. His gaze focussed on the rose for a moment before he finally met her gaze. “My apartment looks like a funeral home.”

“You said to stay away. I had to do something to get you to talk to me,” he began, looking a little too pleased with how well his plan had turned out as far as Mya was concerned.

“I don’t get it,” Mya sighed, twirling the rose between her fingers as she looked down at it, mostly to stop herself from staring lustily at the way his muscular chest looked in that clinging spandex shirt. “You’re supposed to be the most eligible bachelor in the State. Why are you doing this? Why are you wasting this on me?”

“I don’t think I’m wasting anything,” he replied softly, taking the few steps necessary to close the distance between them, carefully plucking the rose from her hand and placing it on the examination table before reaching to tug the knit cap from her head, his other hand brushing through her hair. Mya’s breath caught in her throat as his gaze settled back on her face. He looked so...he looked like he was looking at something...beautiful, wonderful and he was looking at her.

______________________________________________________________

“Your girlfriend’s here,” Max grinned, kicking him in the shin with the toe of his dress shoe. Sidney looked up at him, his hands still tugging up his sport sock.

“Girlfriend?” Sidney asked, narrowing his eyes at his friend, ready for the barb he was sure was going to follow.

“Yeah, that girl you and Kris have been seeing. The one from Blush, she’s waiting in the training room.”

Sidney didn’t need to hear more than that, he was already on his feet and half way down the hall, skidding around the corner, nearly running into Mario who caught his young star in his hands.

“Running? In your socks? I thought it was Austin for a moment.” Mario looked amused, to anyone who didn’t know him as well as Sidney did, but his young charge could see the tension around Mario’s blue eyes, the tightness to his lips. “Since when did jogging around the corridors become part of your pre-game ritual?”

“Always?” Sidney said hopefully, bouncing on the spot, eager to be further down the hall, to see her, to explain. Mario gazed at him intently, his icy blue eyes searching Sidney’s face. For his part, Sidney tried not to let the older man see just how eager he was to escape. Mario would want him to be focussed on the game. Mid day games were difficult enough. They threw a player’s schedule off, fucked with his rituals and everyone knew just how tightly Sidney stuck to his rituals, how superstitious he was. Mario would worry. Sid wasn’t. It was something he’d learned with Randi. Sometimes it was good to throw caution to the wind, change shit up.

Besides, he felt quite sure if he could just explain to Mya, if she would see, if they could come to some sort of agreement before he had to go out on the ice, that he wouldn’t just be skating out there. He’d be flying.

“Pre game warm-up in twenty minutes,” Mario said quietly, lifting his big, heavy hand from Sidney’s shoulder and patting his cheek, like he would with Austin when he was letting him get away with something behind Nathalie’s back. Sidney grinned up at him, just as Austin would do, and then raced down the hallway, skidding to a stop in front of the trainer’s room, pulling the door open using his momentum, sending it crashing into the wall.

She looked...amazing. She looked like the cover of some high fashion magazine standing there in knee high riding boots, skin tight black leggings and a simple black dress that hugged her curves and then fell away in a gentle slope from her waist. Her hair was down, with snow still clinging to the dark waves here and there, a purple knit cap pulled down so it was almost like bangs.

She was staring at him, hunger coming off of her in waves, but she didn’t move, didn’t run towards him and cover him with kisses. That only happened in movies anyway. He hadn’t expected that. What she did do was pick up a single rose from where she’d laid her jacket and she held it out to him, her face not quite as blank a canvas as he guessed she wanted it to be.

“This has to stop,” she said, her voice seeming not quite as steady as she probably hoped it sounded to him. “My apartment looks like a funeral home.” He had imagined laying her down on a sea of rose petals. He pictured it now, her pale skin pressed down on a sea of red, like her lips. He wanted very much to kiss those lips now.

“You said to stay away. I had to do something to get you to talk to me.” He couldn’t help but smile as he watched the way his words irritated her, making her cute little nose scrunch up, her green eyes narrow. She wanted to be mad at him, her hand even squeezed harder around the stem of the rose, but her eyes were saying something else entirely.

“I don’t get it.” She was still trying to look angry, but her eyes were wandering over his chest, his shoulders, and downwards. He didn’t think about it much, but he’d seen a few women reporters checking him out when he was in his under armour. He’d felt a little uncomfortable then. He didn’t now. In fact, he stood straighter, and he took a deep breath, making his chest fill out. “You’re supposed to be the most eligible bachelor in the State. Why are you doing this? Why are you wasting this on me?”

Wasting it? He almost laughed, but managed to bite down on his bottom lip and keep his thoughts to himself as he crossed the floor towards her. He took the rose from her hand and put it on the table on top of her jacket and reached up to pull off the knit cap that was covering her beautiful hair.

“I don’t think I’m wasting anything,” he assured her as he ran his fingers through her hair, easing the static electricity that had some of it standing up on end, smoothing it, feeling the silky weight of it running through his fingers. For just one brief moment, he thought that this felt nothing like how he’d felt for Randi, and then he chased that thought away by kissing Mya, catching her lips with his and kissing her until he couldn’t breathe.

“Don’t...don’t play with me Crosby,” she whispered, her eyes having closed and stayed closed. “Before you rip my heart out...please just...think about it.” Her cheek was resting his hand and she had such a pained look on her face that it made him want to wrap her up in his arms and cotton wool and bubble wrap and never let anything hurt her again. He’d done it though and he had to undo it. He had to take the pain out of her face and out of her heart.

“I’ve thought about it...about you.... I’ve thought about pretty much nothing else since we made love and...I didn’t think I was ready but...I am...I am now,” he whispered, brushing his lips over her cheek, the shell of her ear, the soft velvet of her eyelids. She looked up at him, her emerald eyes flashing a warning, but the deep hurt, and the hunger mixed there were all the warning he needed. “I’m ready to prove it to you. Just...stay, watch the game and then after...we’ll talk, all night if we have to...although I sort of hope it won’t take all night,” he added breathlessly as he became all too aware of the soft curves of her body pressed up against his.

“If you hurt me again,” she whispered, the admonition in her eyes turning them into dark jewels, “you’ll never see me again.” He nodded, a shiver running down his spine. It was a threat he believed.

“Heard and understood,” he promised, cupping her face in his hands and searching her gaze, hoping she could see exactly how serious he was taking her warning.

“Then I’ll stay...and we’ll talk about this...whatever this is,” she added in a hoarse whisper, disengaging herself and taking a step back, giving them both room to breathe.

“I’ll have someone take you up to the box. I’ll see you after the game,” he smiled, letting go of breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. She nodded, reaching for her jacket and draping it over her arm, like a shield, in front of her. He noted the body language, knowing he had his work cut out for him later, and then turned to go.

“You’ll call the florist?” she called after him. “Tell them the stop delivering the flowers?”

“I promise,” he grinned, turning back to her. “But I’m glad they worked.” She rolled her eyes at him but she smiled all the same, and already he felt just a little like floating.