Chapter 29

“So you haven’t seen a doctor in Pittsburgh?” her doctor asked as she pressed the cotton ball to the inside of Mya’s elbow. For her part, Mya was doing her best to keep her eyes averted from the needle that had withdrawn the blood from her arm. She wasn’t sure which was worse, the needle or the blood, but either way, she was feeling far from well.

“Dr. Gilroy, do you have any idea how much it costs to just see a G.P. down there? I personally can’t wait until Obama’s medical plan starts kicking in,” Mya mumbled, replacing her doctor’s pressure on the cotton ball, bending her elbow up.

“So you haven’t talked over your other symptoms with anyone?” Dr. Gilroy raised her eyebrow at Mya who stared back at her, uncomprehending.

“Other symptoms?” Mya went through her mental notes and shook her head. “Upset stomach, headaches. What else am I supposed to be feeling?”

“You said the headaches go away when you eat?” the doctor shook up the test tube before labelling it and placing it in a tray and turning back to her patient. Mya stared back at her and then shrugged.

“Well yeah, and I guess I’ve been really thirsty...oh! Oh my god. Do you think I have diabetes?” she asked, reeling at the thought of having to cut herself to check her blood sugar.

“Well that’s a definite possibility, but maybe there are some other symptoms we can explore before we go there,” Dr. Gilroy continued, leaning against the wall and watching Mya squirm with an amused look on her face.

“Okay, I don’t get it. What is up? Is this some kind of pay back for not doing my pap smear or something? I told you I was in Pittsburgh and...what? Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Do you have any other symptoms you want to ask me about? For instance,” her doctor smiled and tipped her head to one side, considering her patient, “do you find that you’re urinating more frequently than usual? Have you been running a low grade temperature? And have you had any...tenderness anywhere?” Mya’s hands raised reluctantly towards her breasts. It wasn’t a big thing, she thought to herself. The girls often became a little painful at that time of the month. “How about when was the last time you had a regular period? And I don’t mean just some spotting that didn’t even require a tampon?” Mya’s mouth fell open and a sound of shock and exasperation escaped her throat.

“No...no way,” she mumbled, ticking off her mental checklist and quickly coming to the same conclusion. “Oh fuck...no way.”

“The test doesn’t lie,” Dr. Gilroy retrieved the clear specimen jar from behind her back with the tiny litmus paper in it and raised the paper to eye level. “Those two lines appeared pretty quick.” Mya stared at the positive test and felt her heart leaping into her throat, cutting off her air. “So when was your last period?”

“Fuck...I don’t even know...I’ve had all this stuff going on and...oh shit,” Mya groaned, feeling tears begin to well in her eyes.

“So I take it this isn’t good news?” Dr. Gilroy said more quietly, putting the test aside and snapping off her gloves before pulling up a stool to sit in front of Mya who continued to stare at a spot on the wall as she shook her head.

“No...this is so not good. Oh god...he’s going to think I’m trying to trap him. Oh shit...oh fucking shit. This is so amateur hour. I’m on the pill...and not the little one either. This isn’t supposed to happen,” Mya complained, gripping the edge of the exam table hard enough to turn her knuckles white.

“Well you know the pill isn’t one hundred percent effective. Even as good as they are, condoms aren’t full proof either and some men’s swimmers are definitely more active than others so if he’s in good shape taking plenty of vitamins....”

“Oh yeah, he’s fucking superman. Of course he’d have fucking super sperm...oh fucking shit! I just got this job and he’s so fucking amazing...this ruins everything,” Mya continued to complain, tears now streaking down her face. She felt her doctor’s hand settle on her knee and looked down and across at her, sniffing and wiping her nose with the back of her hand.

“Sometimes things happen for a reason. Don’t discount this right away Mya. Maybe it’s not as bad as you think it is.”

“Oh it’s bad...you have no idea how bad it is, how bad everything is,” she sniffed, shaking her head and wishing she had a pair of ruby slippers to click together to get the hell out of this situation.

_______________________________________________________

Sidney clicked his phone shut, glad for once, that he had contacts everywhere. Mya hadn’t answered her phone all night and he was beginning to be worried. Not that he didn’t realize she was busy and not that he wasn’t glad that she understood he had a lot on his plate and was willing to give him time and space, except he didn’t really want that time and space right now. He wanted her, in the worst way, which was probably not the smartest decision in the world if you believed that a guy wasn’t supposed to expend his energies in the sack the night before a game.

Fortunately that was an old wives tale that he didn’t subscribe to, anymore anyway. He was pretty sure that was one of those things that coaches and trainers told rookies in hopes of keeping them from coming to the rink hung over and about as useful as a wet towel. A little old fashioned missionary position wasn’t going to sap his energy. Well...not that much.

And now that he knew which B&B Mya was staying at Sidney could also look forward to sleeping in a decent sized bed. He was used to his Queen sized bed at home and not that it wasn’t a perfectly good mattress but the last time he’d slept in a single he’d probably been sixteen and...well it wasn’t his first choice of sleeping accommodations.

That and he missed Mya like crazy and it wasn’t just the sex either. Just having seen her in the hall, just to be able to touch her....

Sidney whistled to himself as he slid into the cab that pulled up outside of the athlete’s village. It wouldn’t be long now.

_______________________________________________________________

“I said I didn’t want any dinner brought up,” Mya sniffed, as she opened the door a crack, expecting to see the lady of the house trying to tempt her with yet another casserole, but instead she found Sidney, grinning back at her from beneath his red and white team Canada toque, his face glowing from the cold outside, his caramel coloured eyes sparkling with little boy excitement.

She thought about closing the door in his face, but that was only putting off the inevitable. And besides, she thought belatedly as she left the door open behind her and headed back towards the bed that she’d been hiding in all afternoon, she’d gotten far enough in her decision making process that she knew it wasn’t fair to make a choice like this without at the very least telling him. Not that he would have the final say, she told herself as she wrapped herself in the thick down comforter, pulling it up to her chin.

If she even told him now.

She could wait – should wait- until after the tournament. He didn’t need to have this to worry about on top of the pressure of the entire country on his shoulders.

“Are you getting sick?” he asked, hanging back near the door and watching her anxiously as she grabbed a tissue out of the box and blew her nose noisily.

“No,” she muttered, adding the wad of Kleenex to the growing pile beside the bed, realizing just what this must look like, and he, probably having come looking for a quickie before he had to be back for curfew had probably hoped for something out of Victoria’s Secret than Florence Nightingale. “Not sick...not exactly.”

“You’ve been crying,” he said more quietly, closing the door behind him and crossing the room to sit beside her on the bed. She felt his hands on her shoulders and part of her wanted to wince, to withdraw but she didn’t. After all, it wasn’t entirely his fault.

“PMS,” she muttered, but as soon as he lifted her chin with his hand and forced her to look into his eyes she knew that he knew that she wasn’t telling the truth.
“Did you go see your mom again?” he asked, his gaze anxiously searching hers’. Shaking her head, Mya let out a long sigh.

“I did go see my dad and that was...interesting but it’s not that either. Just...it’s just nothing. Don’t worry about me. Worry about Finland,” she suggested, reaching up to run her fingers along the strong line of his cheekbone, almost like she wanted to memorize his face. After all, as soon as he found out what really had her so upset, he’d be heading for the hills as fast as he could.

“How can you even say that? Look at you...I’ve never seen you like this My. What the hell happened? You didn’t get fired for that thing with the US jersey did you? I know those fuckers take that shit seriously but I swear if they fired you I’ll fucking make some calls and they’ll fucking find out....” Mya couldn’t help but smile at her white knight coming to her rescue. It was sweet, beyond sweet but he was so far of course it was funny...almost. She held her hand over his mouth and kissed the tip of his nose, shaking her head.

“I didn’t get fired...yet,” she sighed as she thought of having to tell them that she’d need maternity leave...that is if she decided to keep it...which she hadn’t, not yet.

“Yet? What happened? Did some player say something to you about us? Was it Kane? I’ll kick his ass. I’ll shove that fucking mouth guard where the fucking sun doesn’t shine,” Sidney continued, his earnestness tugging at Mya’s heartstrings.

“Shut up will you? It’s not him or anyone...exactly. Oh fuck,” she sighed, dropping her head into her hands. He was going to keep asking. She could see that. He was like a dog with a bone. Of course he was. That was how he played, with dogged determination and a never say die attitude. If she lied he’d see through it, or he’d find out eventually anyway. When she had to tell him, when she couldn’t lie any more or when it became too obvious to hide. Either way, it was clear she wasn’t going to be able to just put him off.

Her mother had always told her that honesty was the best policy. It didn’t feel like it, she thought as she looked up into those melted butterscotch eyes fringed with long dark lashes. He was waiting for an explanation, and part of her knew that he deserved one, but most of her wanted nothing to do with telling him something that would send him away. Not that she could blame him for leaving. This was the last thing he needed, now or in his life at all. She’d already complicated his life more than she’d meant to and now this....

“Mya...spit it out. You’re starting to fucking freak me out now. Is it...the headaches...is it...is it cancer?”

Mya blinked, and almost smiled. Cancer? Well of course, with his history, his fiancée and her Aunt...of course that would be where his train of thought would lead him. That would be his worst case scenario.

“No, no it’s not cancer,” she replied, almost managing a smile as she saw the relief in his face, his full pink lips parting over his teeth as he took in a deep breath and blew it out. Sort of the way he did when he was settling himself over the puck before a shootout, easing his muscles, clearing his mind. Mya wished she could do the same. Her muscles were bunched tight. Her brain was filled with pros and cons and fears and worries. Not least of all was this; telling him.

“Then what sweetheart? What can possibly be so bad?” he asked, reaching up to brush her hair back from her face, leaning in to cover her lips with his. Mya closed her eyes and let him kiss her. He was such a good kisser. She loved how soft his lips were, how they moved gently but firmly over hers’. She loved kissing him. She was definitely going to miss this. “Babe?” he whispered, his lips moving to brush her cheek as he drew her against him, wrapping his strong arms around her. “Tell me. Whatever it is...it can’t be that bad.”

Mya wondered what his second worst case scenario might be. Was he wondering if she’d cheated on him? Was he thinking she was going to break up with him? Or maybe he thought there was some kind of sex tape a la Paris Hilton? She wondered if he was even thinking of this possibility at all.

Taking a deep breath, she squirmed out of his arms and reached tentatively for his hand, wanting the comfort of his touch but not wanting to anchor him down when he turned to run which she’d decided he would. There wasn’t a doubt in her mind about that.

______________________________________________________

She was freaking him out, really freaking him out.

At least it wasn’t cancer. For a minute there he hadn’t been able to even breathe thinking about losing her. He couldn’t think about that. That was...well that was unthinkable.

Whatever it was, as long as it wasn’t that, he could deal with it he told himself as her hands hovered above his and she turned those tear filled green eyes on him. Even if she was going to leave him for Robert Pattison or that other bad ass vampire guy she liked from that TV show. Maybe he could talk her out of it, he thought hopefully as he watched her square her shoulders.

Okay buddy, he told himself firmly as she blew out a breath, whatever it is, you can take it.

“I’m pregnant.”

He wanted to say ‘is that all?’, but the fear in his eyes made him bite back the words as they sprang from his tongue. He couldn’t hold back the smile that tugged at the corner of his lips, however, or the relieved, near hysterical laughter that bubbled up in place of the words he wanted to say.

“Don’t....How can you laugh?” she asked, staring at him, wide eyed. He wanted to apologize, knew he should. She’d obviously not taken the news as well as he was, but he couldn’t help it. He laughed, and wrapped her up in his arms, burying his face in her strawberry scented hair.

“I’m sorry,” he finally managed, “but if you knew what I thought you were going to say...I’m sorry it’s just...this is great.”

“Great?” she asked, pushing him away enough that she was looking up into his face, clearly disbelieving. Her green eyes red rimmed and swollen from crying, her cute little nose puffy and raw, her cheeks tear stained.

“I love kids. I want a mess of kids, everyone knows that,” he told her, cupping her face in his hands and kissing the red and raw tip of her nose. “You already know that I want to be with you My,” he added more gently, searching her worried gaze and trying to impart his relief and joy to her with a grin he couldn’t wipe from his face. “I want this with you. I want us, together. This is...it’s...great.”

He was beaming. He couldn’t help it. Even while she shook her head and looked at him like she thought maybe he’d lost his freaking mind, he just grinned at her. A kid. His kid. It was freaking great news as far as he was concerned.

“So you’re not...you’re not mad?” she asked, her worried gaze continuously searching his as if she was waiting for the mask to disappear and the other shoe to drop.

“No,” he shook his head and gathered her back into his arms, holding her tight against him. “God no. I’m fucking happy My,” he whispered in her ear, feeling his pulse beating hard in his veins, his heart hammering in his chest, like it had when he’d won the Cup. This was sort of like that, he decided. This was almost as good.

“I thought...I thought you’d think I’d done this on purpose,” she stammered, sniffing against his shoulder, her arms locked hard around him like she was trying to hold him down, like she was trying to stop him from floating away. He was just about happy enough to. “I thought you’d think I was trying to trap you.”

“Trap me?” he held her at arms’ length and searched her tear stained face as she brushed at the big, wet tears that rolled anew down her cheeks. “You already have woman. I’m fucked. I’m done. I’m yours all fucking ready, or had you not fucking figured that out already?” She shrugged her shoulders and ducked her head, shaking it minutely.

Sidney sighed and leaned forward to press his lips to the top of her head as he reached into his pocket for the little box he’d been carrying around for more than a month. He’d been waiting for the right time and while this didn’t feel exactly right, she obviously needed to know how much she meant to him and he couldn’t think of a better way of saying it.

He took the small velvet box and placed it in the palm of her hand. She looked up at him, her eyes impossibly wide and shook her head.

“Don’t do this. Not now, please,” she whispered, trying to put the box back in his hand.

“What do you mean, why not?” he asked, refusing to take the box and forcing her fingers gently around it instead. “I love you My, you know that. You knew I was going to ask eventually. You had to.”

“Just...just not now, please,” she whispered insistently. “Not just because of this, because I’m...even if it’s not because of that, just not now. I’ll always think it was just because of this,” she sniffed, shutting her eyes tightly and looking away, holding the box out towards him.

“But I have the ring already My. I’ve had it for ages and I promise it’s not just because you’re pregnant,” he insisted, wrapping his hands over hers and around the box. “I want this My. I want us to be together, forever. Please...please take it.” Her eyes opened and she looked up at him with a mixture of tenderness and fear that made him want to hold her tight and keep her safe, and then she shook her head.

“I love you. I do and...and I can’t believe I’m saying this but...please just don’t ask this now. Not now. Just...let’s pretend I never saw this and...just take it back Sid, please. For me...take it back and...and ask me some other time.” Sidney felt his chest tighten, felt his heart skip a beat, and felt his head swim.

“Are you saying...no?” he asked breathlessly , steeling himself for her reply.

______________________________________________________________

Mya smiled then, or at least she tried to. It wasn’t easy to do considering she was still crying and her emotions were all over the place. She was happy and scared and worried and sick to her stomach all at the same time. But she smiled as best she could and reached up with her other hand to cradle his cheek briefly, letting all of her love for him flood her face as she looked up at him.

“No, I’m not saying no,” she promised, her heart fluttering in her chest as she considered what he had almost asked her. “I’m saying ask me another day. Sometime when I haven’t been crying for hours and I don’t have snot hanging out of my nose and no make-up on and I’m in something a little...sexier than pj’s,” she added, watching relief saturate his face for the second time.

“I think you look kind of cute in your pj’s,” he smiled down at her, finally taking the small velvet box out of her hand and putting it aside on the night table, for now. He kissed her then, a soft, gentle kiss that turned her insides into melted ice cream. It was a kiss that said ‘I love you’ and also said ‘I want you’ at the same time. She returned the kiss with the same fervour and pulled him down on top of her at the same time.

She didn’t feel sexy. She didn’t even fell particularly pretty at the moment, but she did want him.

No strike that, she thought as she felt his hand cup her breast. She didn’t just want him. She needed him. She needed to know that he wanted her, that he still wanted her. She needed to know that even if she wasn’t going to be that sexy, motorcycle riding stripper that he still wanted her and it seemed that he did.

He moaned, deep in his throat, and his body pressed down against hers, rubbing urgently against hers in a way that made it more than obvious that he did want her, very much. For her part, Mya reached down, sliding her hand down between them to feel her need for herself, wrapping her hand around his erection as best she could through his nylon track pants. He moaned again, his hand squeezing her tender breast hard enough that it made her catch her breath. Not that she’d stop him, she knew as she squeezed back in a way that made him gasp.

“I want...I want to be inside you,” he whispered, his tongue circling her ear, making her shudder. “Will it...is it okay?” he asked, pulling back to look down at her, holding himself over her, worry filling his hazel eyes.

“It’s okay. She’s all safe inside here,” Mya whispered back, letting go of him and pulling up her pyjama top to pat her still flat stomach.

“She?” he asked, rolling on to his side and placing his hand gently over top of hers’.

“Well, she or he, I guess. I’ve just...I guess I just think girls are more trouble,” she added with a grin that he matched. He gazed into her eyes then with a look that stole the breath from Mya’s lungs and made her eyes well up again.

“Yeah, lots and lots of trouble,” he whispered, kissing her softly as he took her hand and slid it down beneath her pyjama bottoms and placed it over her clit, using his hands to guide hers’ to the spot that made her moan and shudder and arch off of the bed.