Tuesday, December 22, 2009

When You Love Someone Chapter 32

Thank you for your patience waiting for this chapter and if I don't get to it before then, Happy Holidays to one and all.

Just a note on this chapter. I changed my mind several times on whether or not to even bring this subject up, but it just wouldn't leave me alone, so bear with me as I work through this.


“No, no, no, no.”

Mya stared at the red stain and swore under her breath. This could not be happening. Not now. There were people downstairs, a wedding shower and baby shower all in one. There were balloons and cake and a mountain of presents.

And she was bleeding.

“No. God, please no,” she moaned, reaching for more bathroom tissue and blotting again, praying it wouldn’t be there this time.

But it was.

“You comin’ out of there soon?” Tish called from the hallway. Mya could picture Jordan’s wife in her mind. She was wearing a silver cocktail dress and opaque black tights and impossibly high heels. They’d left the twins at home with Jordan’s mom. Jordan’s mom had been spending an inordinate amount of time with the young couple of late, which was why Tish was shadowing Mya. She’d had enough of her mother-in-law and all of her ‘down home’ suggestions. Tish seemed to think it was her turn to run someone’s life for a change. Not that she’d minded a single suggestion Tish had forwarded so far. If it had been entirely up to Mya, the wedding dress hanging from the door would have been replaced with a burlap sack.

Not that there was going to be a wedding now, she thought darkly as she closed her eyes tried to feel what was going on inside of her own body. She’d had a dull sort of pain in her back all day. Not cramps, she thought, just sort of an ache.

“Tish?” she called out, her hand shaking as she reached back to jiggle the handle.
“What’s up hun? You fall in?” Tish joked but Mya couldn’t even crack a smile as she searched through the bottom of her purse, looking for some kind of panty liner, even if it was ten years old and covered in fuzz. Failing that, she grabbed a handful of tissue and folded it carefully in place.

“Can you take me to the hospital?” she asked quietly as she opened the door. Tish’s always bright smile disappeared immediately as she searched Mya’s expression.

“Are you bleeding?” she asked immediately to which Mya could only nod as fat, wet tears began rain down over her cheeks. “Okay, just try not to panic. I’ll go get Sidney and we’ll....” Mya grabbed Tish’s outstretched hand and vehemently shook her head.

“No...no don’t...not until we know,” she insisted and though Tish looked back at her sceptically, she nodded, and reached into her own purse for some kleenex.

“Mom now...,” Tish explained as she blotted Mya’s tears before palming her keys and silently leading Mya down the hall.

Mya could hear the party going on behind them, the laughter and the raised voices. A few minutes ago she’d been one of them, laughing and joking with some of the other WAGs as she tore into professionally wrapped presents with perfect bows containing gifts that altogether represented more than her entire years salary. Now she was escaping under the cover of darkness without a word to anyone.

They’d have to return all the gifts.

Mya thought regretfully about the solid silver rattle that Vero and Marc Andre had given them. It was so beautiful. Then there was the crib that Natalie and Mario had given them with the Winnie the Pooh linens. It had to have cost them a fortune. Of course they could afford it. But it would all have to go back now anyway.

Sidney wasn’t going to want to marry her now.

Or at least he wouldn’t have to, and his father would be so pleased about that, Mya realized as she thought of the way the big bear of a man had stood, looming over her, looking down at her with distaste as his wife fawned over her soon to be daughter in law. Trina had been so looking forward to be a grandmother.

At least Tish wasn’t trying to tell her that everything was going to be okay. As it was she was coming undone. If anyone did try to tell her everything was going to be okay...Mya bit down on the inside of her cheek to stop a sob escaping from her lips.

This was not okay. There was no way this was going to be okay.

_________________________________________________________________

“It’s always hardest when it’s the first one,” the nurse was saying quietly as she held the thermometer into Mya’s ear and took her pulse with her other hand. “You’ve already got a name and you’re all excited,” she continued in that soothing voice, or at least Sidney assumed that’s what she was going for as he stood at the foot of the bed. It didn’t sound reassuring to him and by the looks of Mya’s tear stained face, red-rimmed eyes and red tipped nose, it wasn’t doing much for her either. “You’re lucky,” the nurse added, noting both her temperature and pulse rate on the chart behind Mya’s head before giving her hand a firm squeeze. “It could have been worse. You could have been further along.”

“Yeah, great silver lining,” Tish snarled, giving the nurse a cold stare as she stepped between the woman in scrubs and Mya, practically tearing the nurse’s hand off and replacing it with hers.

It was only then that the nurse seemed to notice him standing there and he saw her eyes get wide. That was probably a bad thing. He could hear it already, the gossip that would start out at the nurse’s station and quickly spread through the rest of the hospital and out onto twitter and facebook and...but he didn’t care. He cared about the woman lying curled in a fetal position on the hospital bed, clutching Tish’s hand like it was a lifeline.

The anger he’d carried all the way to the hospital lessened as his gaze swept her pale complexion, marred by streaks of mascara, bright fever spots on her cheeks. It was the pain in her eyes, the utter agony that stole the words from his lips as he stood there at the end of the hospital bed, torn between climbing onto the bed and wrapping her protectively in his arms or turning and leaving.

Except that he had to know.

Not that the anguish in her face didn’t make it crystal clear that there wasn’t going to be good news. But still, he’d always been the kind of person that held onto any shred of hope, no matter how small and he just couldn’t believe this could happen, not now, not to him.

His hand reached out to brush over her foot, to let his presence be known, but one sharp look from Tish froze him mid movement. With a glance, she made it known that his place should be beside her, at the empty side of the bed.

Sidney reached for her hand, the one that was balled in the crisp white hospital sheets. Patiently he unfolded her hand and tugged the sheet free and then wrapped both of his hand around hers’. She hadn’t looked up at him yet and there was this horrible feeling in the pit of Sidney’s stomach that was begging to grow, beginning to make it hard to take a breath.

“Is it..?” his voice failed him as he tried to ask the question that had haunted him ever since Jordan had come to find him in Mario’s office. Jordan hadn’t known the answer and neither Tish nor Mya had been answering their cell phones. He’d pushed the black BMW to its’ limits through the dark city streets, the engine roaring as he pressed his foot to the floor, ignoring red lights, forgetting about his own safety or anyone else’s. All he wanted to know was....

“Of course it is. Do you think she’d be balling her fucking head off if it wasn’t?” Tish snarled, her dark eyes judging him as he stood there, staring back at her, shaking his head.

It couldn’t be true. It just couldn’t.

“Isn’t there...is there something they can do? I mean...there must be something...,” he asked hopefully. He was grasping at straws. He knew it, he didn’t need Tish to roll her eyes at him.

“It happens.” A new voice, a young male doctor ducked through the curtain, clipboard in one hand and a pen in the other. He made some kind of notation on the clip board before setting it down on the bed and reaching out to lay his hand comfortingly on Sidney’s shoulder before moving away and around the foot of the bed.

For his part, Sidney wanted to shrug it off, to give this man in his crisp, clean white coat a piece of mind. After all, what good was an expensive degree if he couldn’t do anything about this?

“A lot of times women this early don’t even realize that this is even what’s happening,” the young doctor continued as he moved up the bed, displacing Tish as he reached for Mya’s hand, pressing his fingers to the inside of her wrist and his other hand over her seat slicked brow. “It’s never easy though, that’s for certain. I’m very sorry for your loss,” he added with just the hint of a smile as he looked down at Mya who began to cry anew.

He held her hand a moment longer and Sidney watched as he gave Mya’s hand a gentle, reassuring pat before he turned to look across the bed at Sidney.

He recognized him, of that Sidney was certain. He was also weighing him up with what seemed like a deliberately critical sort of gaze that swept over him while that half smile never left his face. Professional and yet...not, it made Sidney’s hackles rise. It was the same sort of look some of the older referees, like Devorski or Fraser, gave him when he complained. It was patient and derisive at the same time. It made him want to break a stick over their head. This made him want to grab the doctor’s stethoscope and wrap it around his neck and tighten it until his eyes bugged out of his head and his lips turned blue.

He knew, or at least he could guess what was on the young doctor’s mind. He was probably thinking that the young superstar had gotten off lucky, had escaped unscathed. That, of course, was the furthest thing from Sidney’s mind. At this moment, he felt anything but lucky.

“Isn’t there...something you can do?” Sidney made himself ask, and ground his teeth together as the doctor looked back at him, a smug sort of grin on his face.

“We can test the tissue that’s been sloughed so far. As I said to your umm...friend here,” the young doctor looked up at him and actually winked, and it took every ounce of will power Sidney had not to launch himself over the bed at him and send him crashing to the floor. That would make an even better story, Sidney thought as he imagined people whipping out their cell phones to record the local hockey star rolling around on the floor with a doctor. It would do wonders for his reputation. “As I said, these things tend to happen for a reason, but sometime knowing what the reason was can bring a little closure.”

Tissue...tests.... It was all so fucking clinical. His baby was gone, dead, and this guy was talking about tissue and closure. Sidney had long since let go of Mya’s hand, lost entirely in his own grief, and now he could feel his hands ball into fists at his sides. He wanted to smack the smug look off of the doctor’s face and then he was going to punch some holes in the wall, and then maybe he was going to toss some bed pans around. Maybe then he’d feel better. He doubted it though.

“Do the tests,” Tish replied for both of them, taking charge once again of the situation as she stepped between the doctor and Mya once more, perching on the edge of the bed and gathering the prone and shaking form into her arms. “Can she go home now?” Tish asked, glancing at Sidney as if he was some sort of monster before turning back to the doctor. Sidney could only stare back at her, There was something in the way she looked at him though, something he couldn’t face.

She thought he should be the one to be the one holding onto Mya, except he couldn’t. Or he didn’t want to. He wasn’t sure which. He just knew he couldn’t be here anymore. He couldn’t stand the way the doctor was judging him. He hated the knowing look the nurse at triage had given him. He hated the smell of the place.

Mostly he hated feeling so fucking helpless. If there wasn’t anything he could to help, he didn’t want to hang around and have everyone look at him as if this was somehow his fault.

“Sid? Sidney?” She was reaching for him. Her hand outstretched towards him and he couldn’t make himself take her hand. If he did it would be like he’d forgiven her, and suddenly he couldn’t. He knew he should, but he couldn’t. He stared down at her hand for a long, silent moment and then he turned and swept the curtain aside and began to walk.

“Don’t. You. Dare.” He heard the tapping of Tish’s high heels on the linoleum floor and he knew in a moment she was going to grab him and spin him around but Sidney didn’t stop walking. He knew what it looked like, but that didn’t stop him from putting one foot in front of the other. “Don’t you leave her Sidney Crosby. Don’t you walk out on her now or I swear to God....”

“You’ll what?” he hissed, turning to face down Jordan’s tall, statuesque wife.

“She’ll probably never forgive you,” Tish replied, matter-of-factly, raising her eyebrow at him like she dared him to turn and walk away now. Sidney could barely breathe, could barely swallow, and he knew that Tish might just be right but somehow that didn’t matter right now.

“Maybe I’ll never forgive her,” he whispered back, glancing at the lump of sheets on the bed that he knew was the woman he was supposed to marry in the morning. He couldn’t imagine that happening now, maybe not ever.

“I cannot believe you would do this. Not you. Max, sure, but not you. I know your mama raised you better than this Sidney Patrick Crosby. Don’t you dare leave her now. She needs you,” Tish warned, the threat clear in her dark eyes. “Now I know you’re not good with the whole hospital thing since Randi but I swear to God, you will fucking regret this if you leave her now.”

Sidney stared past her at the unmoving form on the bed and knew that maybe Tish was right, but as much as he knew it was probably true, the tightness in his chest, the urge to flee was too strong. Shaking his head, as much at himself as in answer to her threat, Sidney turned his back on his fiancée and on Tish and walked away.

10 comments:

  1. No! He can't just leave, ughh I feel so sad right now :(

    Amazingly written, so emotional.

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  2. Poor Mya.

    Poor Sidney. Why did he have to walk out? :(

    Update soon!

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  3. Heartbreaking!! I think that I just want to ball my eyes out for her right now!!!!!!! I can't believe the way Sid acted with her and blaming her and then leaving her like that. I'm speechless!! Great update, can't wait to see what happens next!!

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  4. WTF....Sidney Crosby....


    update really really really soon...pretty please

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  5. Heart... breaking... such a good chapter though...

    Don't let him walk away! I'll cry again. And you shouldn't make me cry!

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  6. noooooooooo!!!!!!!!!
    you cant leave me like this please update

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  7. [If he did it would be like he’d forgiven her, and suddenly he couldn’t. He knew he should, but he couldn’t. He stared down at her hand for a long, silent moment and then he turned and swept the curtain aside and began to walk}

    WTH Sid! He thinks this is her fault?Won't forgive her?
    I guess he lied when he said he wasn't marrying her because she was pregnant?
    He can't see how much pain she is in?
    What is he thinking? Why did he have to flee?
    I can't believe he is being such an ass!
    Someone needs to wake him up.

    Poor Mya
    She has been through so much & he does this to her.
    Naybe she should just kick him to the curb then.

    I felt heart break but now all I can feel is anger at Sid.

    Great Chapter!

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  8. u.need.to.update.again.like.NOW!!!!!!!

    amazing and sad.

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  9. oh wow.

    i feel like i missed something between the end of the last chapter and this one.

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