Chapter 8

I just want to say thankyou for your patience. I have had one hell of a week so if you have been waiting, thank you and I hope you will not be disappointed and also I hope you will give Sid a little break after reading this chapter.

Sidney stood over her grave, a dozen roses wrapped in cellophane in his hand. He couldn’t speak, or rather, he wouldn’t. What could he say? How do you apologize to a dead woman? How do you explain that you didn’t mean for something to happen, unless of course you did?

Closing his eyes, Sidney took a deep breath but the fresh oxygen caught in his throat and his hand shook as he began to peel the cellophane away from around the stems of the roses. He caught his finger on a thorn and swore quietly. Nothing seemed to be going right for him lately.

“I wish you could just tell me...give me some kind of sign. I mean if it’s what you want...the whole Mya thing,” he mumbled as he began placing the long stemmed red roses in the vase one by one. “Because if you do...if you did then I’ve probably totally screwed it up anyway,” he added with a sigh, twirling one of the dark green stems between his finger and thumb. “I mean if you did...then I should probably be mad at you. I mean...I’m clearly not ready for anything now. I mean...I wasn’t really ready for you but...it was just different with you.” He put the last of the roses in the vase and then knelt by the brass plaque and ran his fingertips lovingly over her name. “I loved you so much,” he whispered, the words catching on the ball of emotion that formed in his throat whenever he came here. “I just...how could I even give her or anyone else what’s left of...of my heart?” he asked, a tear escaping from the corner of his eye. He brushed at it impatiently with the back of his hand. “Why’d you have to go?” he asked, sniffing back a sob as his fingers slid over the now familiar raised pattern of the letters, slightly shinier than the rest of the plaque from where his fingers trailed over her name so often. “I don’t know what to do Rand...I wish...I wish you were here.”

Pushing himself up to his feet, Sidney brushed at his eyes with the sleeve of his jacket and turned and headed away from the silent grave that gave him no answers but tugged at his heart in a way that was almost too painful to bear.

__________________________________________________________________________

He was waiting for her when she walked out into the alley after her shift, perched on the hood of his car, arms crossed, watching the alley like a hawk. Mya flipped the loose end of her scarf over her shoulder and strode forward into the wind that whistled eerily around her, clutching at loose strands of her hair and sending them whipping against her cheeks, stinging where they struck. The wind clutched at the hem of her jacket, wrapping it around her legs as if it were a live thing, as if it were trying to trip her up.

“No one claimed it,” Kris said firmly, holding the money out towards her, folded neatly in his hand. “You may as well take it.” Mya stared at the stack of folded green bills, chewing on her lip as she considered the ramifications. “Whoever he is, he already got the message that you didn’t immediately go on a spending spree, oui?” he said, thrusting the bills towards her and raising his eyebrow. “You may as well take it now.” Reluctantly Mya held out her hand, palm up and Kris put the money down on her hand, folding her fingers over it. She looked down at his hand covering hers’ and then up into his dark eyes. “You’re not going to tell me what this is about are you?”

“He’s your friend, your teammate. You’d only take his side,” she said quietly, withdrawing her hand from his and reaching to slip the money into her purse.

“You seem certain about that.” She looked up to find him standing straight up, his body almost pressed against hers’. She looked up into his face and saw a flash of fierce protectiveness in his eyes. It made her knees weak.

“You have to work with him...I would understand,” she continued but fell silent when he captured her face in his hands and kissed her, ardently, his lips moving hungrily over hers, teeth knocking, tongues dancing as she reached to hold onto him, eager to be held. Still holding her face in his hands, he unlocked his lips from hers’ and stared down at her, his eyes wild with desire.

“I worked hard to be here and I don’t want to be sent back down to Wilkes, but I won’t just give up what’s mine to someone else. I don’t care if it’s Sidney fucking Crosby.” Mya felt her breath catch in her throat, and fought to keep the truth from her eyes even as his gaze searched hers’. As angry as she was she’d had time to think and there had been something in the way he’d made love to her...if she could even call it that, that had her wondering.

“What’s yours?” she asked, blocking out all the rest and batting her eyelashes playfully at him instead.

“I’m very competitive,” he admitted with a feral grin that sent a shiver down her spine. If only he knew.

“I can see that,” she replied quietly, her gaze travelling slowly from his lips up to his eyes and down again. Taking the hint, he captured her lips in his and kissed her slowly, leisurely, his tongue slipping between her lips and curling around her own. His moustache tickled. It should have made her toes curl. It should have made her knees turn to Jello but all she could think about was another kiss that had lit a fire inside of her that was yet to go out, no matter how hard she tried to extinguish it. “Maybe that’s why, no matter how many times you kiss me, I’m still not going to tell you.” With a half a smile he bowed his head and his dark hair fell over his eyes as he shook it.

“Will you at least tell me...,” he fell silent as she leaned in to kiss him, pressing her lips lightly against his.

“Either take me to dinner or take me home. Those are your choices.” With a sigh and a wry smile, he agreed, turning and opening the car door for her with a flourish, bowing over his hand, all the while watching her, mischief making his dark eyes dance.

“My lady’s chariot awaits,” he grinned, closing the door and whistling as he walked around the car. Mya watched him, enjoying the view. He looked good in those jeans. She liked the way they hugged his muscular thighs. Yes, she thought, the view was more than satisfactory. She just wished that her heart would beat just a little faster when she looked at him, or when he kissed her but it seemed her heart only beat faster for another.

She hoped her heart would learn in time as he slid behind the wheel and glanced over at her, desire clear in his eyes.

____________________________________________________________________________

“Mon Capitain, une autre?” Max pushed another shot of Patron towards Sidney, watching with seemingly rapt fascination as the usual controlled exterior of his friend and team captain crumbled beneath the weight of grief and alcohol. Sidney downed the shot and wiped his mouth along his sleeve, pushing the glass back towards Max who raised his eyebrow in query. “Encore?”

“Yes another!” Sidney grumbled, pushing the shot glass closer to the bottle, eschewing the salt and the lime. He was passed caring about the bitter taste of the golden liquid, he was only concerned about reaching oblivion sooner rather than later.

“Mon ami, je pense que tu as eu assez,” Fleury suggested quietly, laying his hand gently on Sidney’s shoulder. Sidney shrugged off the young goaltender’s hand and gave the shot glass another shove, wincing at the clinking sound the two pieces of glass made.

“At least slow it down there Creature,” Jordy piped up from behind him where he was hooked up to the Xbox. Sidney turned on the bar stool and stared at him, wondering how in the hell his tall blonde friend was going to be a father in a few months when he was still more likely to be found attached to a video game or a beer bottle.

“You should talk,” Sidney pointed at his tall friend; the single movement almost making him slip off of the chrome and leather bar stool. “Why are you even here dude? You have someone to go home to. Why aren’t you there?” Jordan turned and regarded Sidney with a bemused grin and then went back to racing his viper through the streets of San Francisco.

“My chick has hormone issues. I’m safer here but I’m not drinking my head off,” he added, raising his half empty beer bottle for all to see before putting it back down and putting both hands on the controller.

“What...what about you?” Sidney asked, turning his attention to Fleur, his speech beginning to become slurred. “You have Vero...she’s so nice. Sooo nice.”

“He’s going to start saying ‘I love you man’ soon,” Jordy called without looking away from his game and Max snorted in response. Sidney looked from one to the other with narrowed eyes and started to stand, intending to argue, but the room spun around him and he settled back onto the stool, holding on to the edge of the bar to steady himself.

“Tu as eu assez tout à fait,” Fleur decided, wrenching the bottle from Max’s hand and sweeping the shot glass away from Sidney’s hand. “No more and you’re sleeping here.”

“Nooo, noo, you don’t understand. You all have someone. I have no one,” Sidney moaned, dropping his forehead down onto the back of his hands.

“Max doesn’t,” Jordy pointed out helpfully.

“He doesn’t want anyone, doesn’t count,” Sidney countered miserably, his voice muffled. “I want someone...someone like Vero, someone to come home to, to be there.” He looked up at Fleur who looked back at him with sympathy. But then Fleur was always the understanding one. Fleur understood. “Is it too much to ask?”

“No mon ami,” Fleur replied quietly, coming around the bar to put his hand on Sidney’s arm. “I’m not sure you’re ready for someone mon ami. Tu es toujours trop triste, que tu pense?” Sidney hung his head and let out a long low sigh.

“I miss her,” he whispered, feeling Marc’s grip on his arm tighten in response.

“Je sais mon ami,” the young Frenchman replied quietly as Sidney looked up at him, hating that he was about to cry in front of his friends. “Of course you do mon ami, of course you do.”

“I told him he just needs to get laid,” Max offered, as if Sidney wasn’t sitting just there. He narrowed his eyes at Max who held up his hands defensively and laughed nervously.

“I tried, okay? J’ai essayé. It didn’t work...it’s...it’s too hard. It just fucked with my head. I like the girl too much,” Sidney snarled, dropping his head into his hands again and rubbing at his eyes, hating how weak he felt.

“Oh god, you went after Miss P.E.I. didn’t you?” Max groaned, laughing again, but this time at his expense. Sidney looked up at him and again Max held up his hands in supplication. “What? Did I tell you to do it with someone you know? Es-tu fou? Pick a girl, any girl from outside the arena, a bar...fuck Sid! Complicate shit much?”

“Who’s this?” Jordy asked, putting down the controller, suddenly interested.

“This hottie he met on vacation. She’s going to school here,” Max explained before Sidney could even open his mouth, despite the dark look he shot at his friend.

“And you fucked her? Nice,” Jordy laughed, nodding, like it was a good thing.

“No...no, not nice,” Sidney replied, pressing hard against his throbbing temples. “You don’t get it. None of you get it. I could have something with her. I think I could even fall in love with her but now I’ve screwed it all up beyond fucking belief.”

“You don’t know that,” Fleur offered softly. “Pas à coup sûr.”

“I do...I fucking ran like an idiot. I left her...and I...I just fucked up okay?” he grumbled, kneading at his sore head, swallowing the information about the money he’d left behind. It was bad enough someone else knew, he didn’t need anyone else to know and he was fairly sure if one of these three knew they’d have said something by now. “She probably hates me. I hate me.”

“You could always try apologizing. I’m told it works,” Max offered, glancing towards Jordy who shot him an evil look.

“What did I say about her hormones? I can’t keep apologizing for shit I haven’t done,” Jordy shot back, turning back to his game.

“He’s right,” Fleur said quietly. Sidney turned to look at his friend and nodded. He could go back and apologize. God knows he should. He just didn’t know what to say. How could he explain how impossibly fucked up he was? How could he possibly ask her to believe he hadn’t meant anything by leaving the money on the floor? “Just try. What have you got to lose?”

“My sanity?” Sidney offered quietly, closing his eyes and leaning his head on the bar. “That is, if I haven’t lost it already.”

___________________________________________________________________

Mya’s eyes fluttered closed and she bit down on her bottom lip as his kisses blazed a trail of fire down her neck. She concentrated on trying to wake the butterflies in her stomach she had felt when first he’d kissed her but as hard as she tried, and as ardent as he was, she felt nothing more than the faintest of fluttering as his hand moved gingerly up over her breast.

She should want him. There was no reason not to. He was handsome and attentive and generous and if she was completely honest, the whole possessive thing was a turn on and yet, she felt nothing. Not even as it became unmistakably apparent how much he wanted her, the hard thickness of him straining against his jeans, grinding into her thigh as he kissed his way over her collarbone.

She should be hot, panting, dragging him into her apartment. She should be tearing at his clothes.

Instead, she pressed her hand flat against his chest and pushed.

He looked up at her with a wide eyed ‘are you fucking kidding me’ look and Mya winced. It was no use telling him she was as disappointed as he looked. She could well imagine his dark hair falling into her face as his athletic body moved over hers’ and there was not a doubt in her mind that he would be a skilled and thorough lover.

But she couldn’t do it. He was too sweet, too nice, too much of a gentleman to take him into her apartment just to fake it or worse, to end up with that awkward moment afterwards when he would realize that she’d been thinking of someone else the entire time, because she already had been. As he’d kissed her, she’d shut her eyes and called up the wavy dark hair and pale skin of his teammate and felt the butterflies rise to his call.

But she wouldn’t do it. She wouldn’t. It was as simple as that.

“Goodnight Kris,” she whispered, offering him a quick peck on the cheek as he stood there, staring back at her, stunned into silence. She dug her keys out of her purse and hurried into her apartment before she changed her mind and dragged him in after her to feed the need that she was trying hard to ignore.

Leaning against the door, Mya closed her eyes and cursed the hazel eyed boy wonder who had stolen her heart. It was the last thing he deserved.